Home Wrecker
by Cress
Summary: Unfinished Joey-Chandler slash, during Christmas in season 10. Ross and Rachel are already back together, and Joey tries to be happy for them, but he has a secret.
1. A Christmas to Remember

[Sorry, but I keep getting sidetracked from finishing my older stories by my ideas for new stories.  
  
This one begins during Christmas in season 10, and it explores some emotions that I think Joey would have after the whole love triangle with Ross and Rachel ends.]  
  
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The snow came down very hard that Christmas day. Monica wasn't sure whether she should postpone the Christmas party because of the bad weather, but everyone agreed that it wouldn't feel like Christmas if they weren't all together.  
  
Phoebe already had a small Christmas celebration with her live-in boyfriend, but she didn't bring him to the party that evening, not wanting Joey to feel like he was the only one not in a couple. But once she arrived at Monica's apartment, Phoebe worried that the road conditions would become so bad that she couldn't get a taxi or a bus back to her apartment that night. She played songs on her guitar to try to keep her mind off of it, and called home a few times.  
  
Joey of course had no trouble coming from across the hall, but Ross and Rachel had to struggle just to make it across the street, because of the snow and the fact that they had to carry Emma and her diaper bag, in addition to the Christmas presents.  
  
Then there was an sudden power failure in the building, and Mr. Treeger informed all the residents that the blackout might last all night. It looked like everyone would be stuck at Monica's apartment tonight.  
  
There was no heat, so everyone gathered around with blankets and numerous candles to keep warm. Getting an idea, Monica filled a trash can with newspapers and started a small fire inside, but was careful not to let it get out of control, like during the boyfriend bonfire of 1995.  
  
In the living room, everyone talked and exchanged Christmas presents, and Chandler joked that they should tell ghost stories with a flashlight. Instead they decided to reminisce about the last blackout that they had been through, when Rachel had met Paolo and Chandler had been trapped in an ATM vestibule with Jill Goodacre.  
  
"And I never got a videotape of the kiss she gave me when she left," Chandler complained. "It was my only shot with a Victoria Secret model, and I don't have any proof."  
  
"Hey, you don't need a Victoria Secret model," Monica said. "You've got me."  
  
Chandler smiled and kissed her, "Yeah, you do wear that sexy lingerie well."  
  
"Hey, hey! There's a baby here," Rachel complained. "No dirty talk."  
  
"That's not dirty talk! Besides, Emma is asleep now."  
  
"Yeah." Rachel gazed lovingly at her eighteen-month-old toddler, then at Ross. She snuggled up close to him affectionately, and they got very cozy together.  
  
Joey frowned and felt depressed because they just looked so happy together. Like a family. Joey got up from the floor and went into the master bedroom.  
  
Chandler got up and followed him, while Monica and Phoebe gave Ross and Rachel a look.  
  
"Joey?" Chandler came over to him.  
  
"I'm okay," Joey shrugged, but didn't really feel that way.  
  
Chandler hugged him and looked apologetic. "Maybe they should have stayed home tonight. Maybe it was too soon to be together as a group again."  
  
Joey shook his head. "No. It's--it's just something I have to get used to. I want to be happy for them, you know?" He sighed heavily.  
  
"I know." After a pause, Chandler asked, "Do you wanna go back now? Have some more eggnog?"  
  
Joey pulled away from him and sat down on the bed. "No, I think I'll stay in here."  
  
"But it's so cold in here."  
  
Joey shrugged. "What's a little cold? Maybe I'll go back to my apartment, hang around with Hugsy..."  
  
"No, don't leave yet! Is it really that bad?"  
  
Suddenly, they heard sounds of some commotion, and Chandler went to peek his head out the door. Monica and Phoebe were gathering up several candles and blankets, while Ross and Rachel were picking up their winter coats and all of Emma's baby things.  
  
Monica explained, "They're gonna go stay in the guest bedroom, so they don't make Joey uncomfortable."  
  
"Oh. Thanks." Chandler went back inside the room and told Joey.  
  
Emma woke up then and started crying because she was cold and didn't know where she was. Rachel and Ross began to soothe her, rocking her and singing songs as they tucked her into bed with them.  
  
Joey could hear them through the wall. More reminders of their family life.  
  
Chandler hugged him again.  
  
After Ross, Rachel, and Emma were settled, Joey and Chandler returned to the living room to hang out with Monica and Phoebe.  
  
But Ross and Rachel could still be heard in the guest room, telling stories to Emma so she would fall asleep again.  
  
Joey couldn't take it anymore, so he stood up again and retreated to the balcony outside. Chandler followed him, bringing a blanket with him.  
  
"Joey?" he crawled through the window. "Come inside."  
  
"No."  
  
"Joe, you'll catch a cold." He wrapped the blanket around his friend and shivered a bit, despite all the coats and sweaters he was wearing now.  
  
Joey said, "Go close the window or you'll let all the heat out."  
  
Chandler did so, then returned to Joey's side and watched him with concern.  
  
Joey leaned against the edge of the balcony, staring across the street at the window of Ross and Rachel's apartment. He shook his head gloomily. "You can't get away from them anywhere, can you?"  
  
Chandler worried that Joey felt a little desperate, so he drew Joey back from the edge of the balcony.  
  
Joey realized what he thought, and shook his head. "No, I wouldn't jump or anything. I'd--I'd move away."  
  
"Move away?"  
  
Joey nodded and thought about the idea seriously now. He sat down next to the white dog statue to get out of the biting wind, and Chandler joined him, wrapping the blanket around them both.  
  
"Yeah, why not?" Joey said. "I could move to L.A. or something. Start my life over and get away from all the memories and stuff."  
  
Chandler frowned and hugged him close. "No, don't go away. I'll miss you, Joe."  
  
"I'll miss you too," Joey said. "You being gone in Tulsa was hard enough, but never seeing you, any of you..."  
  
"Then don't go."  
  
Joey frowned sadly. "I think I have to."  
  
They were silent for a while. Monica opened the window and threw out more blankets to them. "Are you coming inside soon? They really are quiet now, and Phoebe's singing some songs."  
  
Chandler glanced at Joey, who shook his head and wasn't ready to go inside yet.  
  
"All right," she sighed. "But don't be long." She went back inside and closed the window again. 


	2. Confession on the Balcony

Chandler wrapped them up in the blankets and kept hugging Joey for body warmth. They looked rather silly there, all pink and shivering, with snowflakes in their hair. Nobody could see them from the living room, though, because the statue blocked the view.  
  
Chandler joked, "At least California never gets this cold."  
  
Joey nodded, then finally said, "It's just--it's just that everyone's paired off except me. I don't even have a backup anymore now that Phoebe's got somebody."  
  
"Well, you'll find somebody too. You're a great guy, Joe. You just need to learn how to call girls back and give serious dating a try."  
  
Joey shrugged. "I guess."  
  
"You've got plenty of time, Joe. I mean, in L.A., you'll probably have beautiful models and actresses hanging all over you."  
  
Joey sighed. "Yeah. But I'll miss you guys so much."  
  
"I know." Chandler shrugged. "If I could, I'd get me and Monica to move out to California to join you. But I guess she won't want to leave the restaurant and her family and friends. Especially not with the baby coming."  
  
"Yeah." Joey understood, all too well. "Maybe we'll just have to call each other a lot to keep in touch." He hugged Chandler tightly. "I'll miss you the most."  
  
Chandler smiled, then noticed something. "Hey, you got something in your hair."  
  
"It's snow."  
  
"No, something else. Here." Chandler pulled what looked like a twig out of Joey's hair and showed it to him. Then he laughed, realizing. "Oh, it's mistletoe. The wind must have blown it off the window." He pointed to where Monica had strung up Christmas lights around the window, adding mistletoe and branches of holly here and there.  
  
Joey smiled and asked, "Does it count when it lands in your hair?"  
  
Chandler blinked, then shook his head and chuckled at the idea of a kiss. "It doesn't count when it's two guys."  
  
"Why not? We made Monica and Phoebe kiss once when they walked under some mistletoe."  
  
Chandler shrugged and grinned. "Well, any excuse to see a lesbian kiss."  
  
"Still..." Joey said, "It's Christmas." He leaned in for a kiss and Chandler nearly panicked and pulled away, but then Joey just kissed his cheek innocently.  
  
Chandler felt relieved, but he laughed a little nervously nonetheless. "You know, um, for a second there, I thought--never mind."  
  
Joey sighed and closed his eyes at the feeling of their cheeks pressed together. The warmth of the skin-to-skin contact made him aware of how closely they embraced underneath the blankets. He ran his fingers through Chandler's hair and whispered sadly, "I'll miss you so much."  
  
Chandler wondered why Joey needed to repeat this so many times, but he answered, "I'll miss you too. You're--you're my best friend."  
  
Joey nodded and still held onto him tightly. "You're not gonna start liking Ross more when I'm gone, huh?"  
  
Chandler noticed the strangeness in his voice and he drew back from Joey slowly, meeting his eyes. "Joe, um, what--what are you, uh, saying here?"  
  
Joey glanced away and let go of him quickly. "Nothing."  
  
"Joe, if there's something, something we need to talk about..."  
  
Joey shook his head and coughed. "It's nothing. I--I had too much eggnog. I'm getting all sentimental."  
  
Chandler hesitated, but finally accepted the excuse. "Okay." He shivered now that he was only enjoying the warmth of the blanket, and not Joey's arms. "So let's go back inside and have some more eggnog, okay? Maybe if we bring the mistletoe, we can make Monica and Phoebe kiss again."  
  
Chandler started to get up, but had to lean against the dog statue because one of his legs had fallen asleep.  
  
Joey started to turn and help him, but then, touching him, the temptation was too great, and he pulled Chandler back down to the floor with him. Joey embraced him and kissed him on the lips this time.  
  
Stunned, Chandler blinked and met Joey's eyes, but didn't know what to say now that his suspicions had proven correct after all. Apparently, Monica and Phoebe hadn't seen Chandler starting to stand up, because no one came over to the window to see if he'd disappeared so quickly from view because he'd fallen down.  
  
Joey looked remorseful and whispered, "I'm sorry. It's just, I'm leaving soon. This will be our last Christmas, and then--" He frowned and shrugged sadly, "I just wanted to, once."  
  
Chandler gulped and stammered, "Well, that's--that's once all right. Actually, it's twice if you count the New Year's kiss." He cleared his throat a few times. "So, uh, this--this is new. This--uh, what happened to Rachel?"  
  
Joey shrugged and explained, "I--I was over her already. It's just, tonight, being reminded that they're a family, and you and Monica are gonna have a family, and Phoebe's gonna be next too..."  
  
Chandler thought he understood now. "Oh, so you kissed me because you're lonely?"  
  
"No." Joey shook his head and looked hurt that Chandler could think his motives were that shallow. "No, it's just... when you were in Tulsa all the time, I missed you a lot. You were only home for three days a week, and most of the time that you were here, you and Monica would be busy trying for a baby. I mean, fine, you can have sex and whatever, but when do I get to see you? I'd call you and make plans with you for the weekend, but then you had to check in with her, and sometimes she'd say that she wanted you to be with her. Well then why didn't she call you first?!" Joey looked resentful and jealous. He shrugged. "And she even got to fly to Tulsa sometimes to visit you. If I said I wanted to go too, everyone would look at me weird. I'm a baby, huh? Just 'cause I want to see you? 'Cause you promised that we'd make time for us? And once, when we were talking about Phoebe's birthday dinner, Monica completely forgot that you weren't here. She's your wife, and she just suddenly forgets about you? I'm just your friend and I *never* forgot. I always missed you when you weren't here. That's why, that one time, I thought she was cheating on you with somebody. Like maybe that Jeffrey guy at work who was so funny. Maybe she really did forget about you that much, so I'd need to look out for you."  
  
"Oh." Chandler thought back to the awkward night last December when he had lied and told Joey that he was stuck in Tulsa for the weekend, because he didn't want to have to cancel plans with Joey yet again, because of Monica. So Chandler sneaked home to his wife, but Joey overheard them and mistook Chandler for some guy that Monica was having an affair with. Chandler realized now how apt his words were that night, "It's better that Joey thinks you're cheating on me than that I'm cheating on him."  
  
Joey continued softly, "It--it took me a long time to figure out why I missed you so much. Why I didn't mind it when that real estate lady at Richard's apartment thought we were a gay couple. Why I wanted to think that you missed me the most when you finally quit that job last Christmas. I mean, why should you miss her more? You saw her more than me."  
  
Chandler swallowed and tried to absorb the news that Joey now loved him as more than a friend. "I--I'm sorry, Joe. I'm flattered, really, but--"  
  
Joey covered his mouth to hush him. "I know, I know! That's why I never told you before. But now I'm moving away, so I might as well tell you everything. I'm sorry I kissed you."  
  
Chandler shrugged. "It's okay. I just--um, shouldn't we talk about it some more? Maybe you don't have to move to L.A. Maybe it's just a crush that will go away--"  
  
Joey scoffed. "Like my crush on Rachel went away? It eventually did, but not before some stuff happened that almost wrecked her and Ross's family." Joey shook his head resolutely. "I've learned my lesson. I won't be a home wrecker anymore."  
  
"Home wrecker? Joey, you're not a home wrecker!"  
  
"Then how come I keep liking people when they already have somebody? Like, Kate had a boyfriend when we slept together. And Rachel was having a baby with Ross when I started to like her. And now you're having a baby with Monica."  
  
"Joey, that's not a pattern. You didn't mean for any of that to happen."  
  
Joey remained gloomy. "I turned out like my Dad. Or almost. He had a mistress; I'm always the other man."  
  
"Joey!"  
  
Joey started to get up to leave the balcony, but Chandler blocked his path and made him sit down again. "Wait!"  
  
"Let go!"  
  
"No, listen to me! This isn't your fault."  
  
"It is." He tried to push Chandler away.  
  
"Nothing's gonna happen."  
  
"Let go!"  
  
"Joe--"  
  
Joey suddenly grabbed Chandler and kissed him hard. Instead of pushing Joey away, or even slapping him, Chandler just moaned and returned the kiss with equal passion. He melted into his arms and enjoyed feeling Joey's hot breath in his mouth.  
  
Then Joey broke it off and stared at Chandler with wide eyes, shocked at his actions and at Chandler's unexpected response.  
  
Chandler blinked and felt utterly lost. "Oh my God," he gasped. Chandler had kissed guys a few times when he was drunk or in poorly lit bars, but never had he liked kissing a man so much. Never had he thought he might want to be more than friends with Joey.  
  
Joey felt horrible and more guilty than ever. "I told you I'd do something! That I'd ruin--" He choked up and ran back to the window, crawling inside the apartment again.  
  
Chandler got up and followed after him, but was greeted immediately by Monica, who assumed that Joey was still upset about Ross and Rachel. "Oh, poor Joey! You couldn't cheer him up, could you? Come here, let's get you two warm again." She shut the window to the balcony and pulled Chandler back into the living room. 


	3. An Awkward Night

Monica and Phoebe hurried to wrap the guys in blankets and warm them up in front of the makeshift fire. The women were very mothering and murmured that the guys shouldn't have stayed out on the balcony so long.  
  
Even if they had a chance to, neither Joey nor Chandler knew whether they should mention the kisses that occurred on the balcony.  
  
Sitting with Joey's head in her lap, Phoebe shook the snow out of his hair and rubbed his back soothingly. "Forget about Rachel. Soon it'll all be just a distant memory."  
  
"Right," Monica agreed. "This time, next Christmas, we'll all be like one big happy family again. You'll see."  
  
Joey miserably cast a glance at Chandler, and said, "No, we won't. We can't be."  
  
"Why not?" Phoebe asked. "You told me last month that you were over her. This is just a relapse."  
  
Joey shook his head and winced. "It's something else. Chandler--"  
  
Chandler interrupted, having decided that they were better off discussing the kisses in private. "Joey, um, Joey said that we're all coupled off now, and he's the only one left out. We're becoming more and more like separate families, not one. He said he wants to move to L.A. to get away from it all."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Really?" Phoebe and Monica were both surprised.  
  
Joey nodded. "You're all better off without me."  
  
"What? No!" Phoebe couldn't understand where he'd get such an idea.  
  
Monica agreed. "We love you, Joey."  
  
"Yeah, we'd miss you if you left."  
  
"Do you really have to go?"  
  
While Monica and Phoebe tried to talk Joey out of leaving New York, Chandler sat there silently and wished he could discuss this whole "home wrecker" idea in private.   
  
"I have to," Joey insisted. He felt awful, but decided to follow Chandler's lead and keep quiet about the kisses. Since he was leaving anyway, it would be best that Monica not think that Chandler would kiss somebody else like that. They should stay a happy, intact family. "Besides," Joey added with a shrug, "I-I can work on my movie career, and maybe meet somebody too."  
  
Monica sighed and could see the logic in that argument. "But we just always hoped that you'd settle down with somebody around here. We could fix you up with girls."  
  
Phoebe nodded. "Yeah, I know lots more people than just the six of us. And, I can check them out when I massage them."  
  
Joey shook his head. "That's the point. I should know more people too. I should... stop wanting people I can't have. I should get away. Start over."  
  
"But--" Monica shivered and noticed the time on her watch. "It's getting really cold now, and it's late. How about we just sleep on it for tonight?"  
  
"Yeah," Phoebe agreed. "These guys are going to catch pneumonia or something from being outside so long."  
  
Getting up from the floor, Monica put out the fire in the wastebasket and grabbed the few remaining candles in the living room, while Phoebe grabbed all the blankets with Joey's help. Then the women led the men toward the master bedroom, and Chandler asked bewilderedly, "We're all going?"  
  
Monica nodded. "Yeah, while you guys were out there, Phoebe and I decided that all four of us should share our bed, to maximize our body heat."  
  
"Yeah," Phoebe smiled. "It'll be fun, like a sleepover."  
  
Joey frowned, and Chandler protested. "But if we're all together, won't that make you guys sick too?"  
  
Monica shrugged, "Maybe. But Ross and Rachel won't be. If the four of us get really sick, they can have Emma stay with one of her grandparents for a while, then take care of us."  
  
"My boyfriend will take care of me," Phoebe said proudly. "I can't wait to get home tomorrow." It was a novel experience for her to have a steady boyfriend who lived with her so long. She had real hopes of getting engaged soon.  
  
Monica set down the candles and asked Phoebe, "Do you and Joey want to borrow any pajamas, or would you just be more comfortable keeping on all those sweaters we lent you?"  
  
Phoebe shrugged, "I guess I'll keep this stuff on. It'll feel weird, though, because I usually sleep naked."  
  
"Even when it's winter?"  
  
"Yeah, I either have an electric blanket or a boyfriend to keep me warm."  
  
All through this chatting, Monica and Phoebe didn't notice the odd silence of the guys. But then the four of them approached the bed, and Chandler asked apprehensively, "Wait, how are we doing this?"  
  
Monica shrugged, "Well how about you and me on this side of the bed, and Joey and Phoebe on that side?"  
  
Chandler got into bed, closely followed by Monica, only to discover that he'd misunderstood the sleeping arrangements. Phoebe didn't want to lie in the middle next to Chandler, and she told Joey to get in first.  
  
Joey glanced at Chandler and was reluctant to get in beside him.  
  
"Come on, none of that macho crap," Phoebe said. "You guys have shared a sofa-bed before."  
  
Chandler sat up nervously. "Why can't it be boy-girl-boy-girl?"  
  
Monica didn't see what the big deal was. "Actually, it's better that you two guys stay in the middle, since it'll give me and Phoebe a chance not to catch a cold from either of you."  
  
Phoebe backed up Monica's opinion and insisted that Joey get in bed already. "Come on, I'm getting cold out here."  
  
Joey reluctantly crawled into the bed beside Chandler, then Phoebe got in after him and pulled the covers over her with a sigh, "Ah, this is warm and cozy!"  
  
Joey stared at the ceiling and tried not touch Chandler with any part of his body, while Chandler curled up as close to his wife as she would let him.  
  
It wasn't that Chandler feared that Joey would try to kiss him again; it was just that they hadn't had a chance to talk about what had happened, and they didn't know how to be close to each other now.  
  
Monica and Phoebe chatted for a while about Christmas and how they used to be roommates, but the tense silence between Joey and Chandler continued. After a while, everyone fell asleep.  
  
***  
  
Later that night, Joey woke up and realized that he was snuggling up to Chandler. He quickly drew back and felt awful. Joey turned around and tried to crawl around Phoebe, but she woke up and glanced at him questioningly.  
  
Joey lied, "I have to use the bathroom."  
  
"All right." She was a bit irritated at being woken up, but moved out of the way.  
  
Joey got out of the bed and headed toward the door, but Chandler woke up too and turned around. "Joe?"  
  
Phoebe answered sleepily, "He's going to the bathroom."  
  
Chandler started to leave too, but ran into Phoebe trying to get back into bed. "I, uh, I have to go too."  
  
Phoebe moved aside and let him go. Then she returned to bed and commented to herself, "I thought only girls went to the bathroom at the same time." She decided to snuggle up to Monica, to avoid being woken up again when the guys returned.  
  
Out in the living room, Chandler closed the bedroom door and followed after Joey. "Wait! Where are you going?"  
  
Joey whispered back, "I'm--I'm going back to my apartment."  
  
"But it's freezing!"  
  
"I can't stay here, with you."  
  
Chandler caught Joey by the arm before he could leave the apartment. "No, please. We--we at least need to talk about that kiss, don't we?"  
  
Joey shook his head. "Just pretend it never happened."  
  
"No, I can't!" Chandler clung to him. "If it was just a New Year's kiss, it would be one thing, but--"  
  
Joey pulled away from him. "You're married, Chandler. You belong with her."  
  
"But that kiss! If, if it means I'm gay, then how can I stay with her?"  
  
"You've got to! She's having your baby. And you never even wanted me until I kissed you. It was just... the moment."  
  
"Don't go!" Chandler insisted. "Don't go to L.A. I couldn't tell Monica tonight, on Christmas, but we have tell her tomorrow when the others are gone. We have to talk about this, figure it out."  
  
"There's nothing to talk about. I'm leaving, and you'll be happy without me."  
  
"Joey!" Chandler pulled him close and kissed him again, passionately.  
  
Joey surrendered for a moment, but then firmly ended the kiss. He looked at Chandler sadly. "I wish--I wish we'd done that years ago. Before Monica. Before--" He shook his head and sighed. "It's too late now. I have to go."  
  
Chandler shook his head desperately. "It's not too late. My parents got divorced long after I was born."  
  
"Yeah, and look how that screwed you up!"  
  
"Well, Ben's not screwed up. Carol left Ross before Ben was born, so he never knew the difference. It worked out."  
  
"No, you can't leave her, Chandler! You're just confused now, but you love her. You're meant to be together. I don't belong here."  
  
"Joey, you can't leave now. Not like this." He hugged Joey tightly.  
  
Joey hesitated, then kissed Chandler's cheek very softly. "I have to." He put an arm around Chandler and led him back to the bedroom, for the cold air was really starting to make them shiver.  
  
When they saw that Phoebe was sleeping next to Monica, they didn't snicker like they usually did at lesbian moments, having other things on their minds. Joey tried to tuck Chandler under the covers, then leave, but Chandler refused to let go of him.  
  
Joey gave up, since he didn't really know how he'd keep warm all alone in his apartment, with no heat. So Joey lay down beside Chandler but turned away from him, just staring at the wall.  
  
Chandler wanted to touch him, but realized how inappropriate that would be, with his wife and Phoebe in the same bed. He just lay near Joey and worried about the kisses. How could he ever forget them? How could Joey just up and leave him? All he knew for sure was that he'd always loved Joey as a friend, and maybe now, he was starting to love him as more than a friend. 


	4. Joey Leaves

By morning, the blackout had ended, and Ross got up to look for the rest of the gang. When he found the four of them lying in Monica's bed together, his eyes widened.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
They all woke up and looked at him wearily. Chandler pulled back from Joey, whom he'd been holding onto under the covers.  
  
Ross joked, "What happened last night? An orgy?"  
  
"No!" Monica answered. "We just wanted to keep warm."  
  
Phoebe nodded and started to take off a few layers of sweaters, which were unnecessary now that he heat was working. "Yeah, and you guys already took the guest bed."  
  
Monica glanced at Phoebe and looked disoriented. "Hey, did somebody move here?"  
  
Phoebe pointed at the guys. "Those two had to get up to go to the bathroom. It was cold, so I moved over."  
  
"Oh." Monica started to remove her extra layers of clothes too.  
  
Ross smiled and shrugged. "Well, I just came to tell you that the power's back. After the streets are clear, me and Rachel will go back home."  
  
"Not so fast," Monica said. "We might all be sick here because Joey and Chandler went out on the balcony last night."  
  
"When it was snowing? Why?"  
  
Monica put a tissue to her stuffy nose. "Joey wants to move to L.A."  
  
"Oh, no! Not because of us?"  
  
Joey didn't want to talk about it. He started to get up from the bed, but found himself sneezing and feeling nauseous. He and Chandler really had stayed outside too long.  
  
Joey had to lie down again, and Phoebe tested out her voice to know whether she had her sexy phlegm back. Chandler wasn't sure how he felt yet, but he lay close to Joey and wished they could be alone again.  
  
Ross looked appraisingly at them all. "You guys look awful. How about I make you some breakfast and we'll talk about this L.A. thing?"  
  
"Thank you," Monica said. For once, she didn't care about being sick. She'd been suffering through morning sickness for a while, and could use some pampering. But then she got worried. "Wait! If I'm sick, is my baby going to be all right? I heard a story that something like this can make you have a miscarriage."  
  
The others looked at her with concern.  
  
Ross's eyes widened. "Um, that's not true. At least, I don't think so--hey, don't worry, I'll just get Dr. Gettleman on the phone and ask him. If we need to, we'll quarantine you from the rest of them, Monica." He then left hurriedly and went to warn Rachel about the others being sick, and the need for Emma to stay with her grandparents to avoid her catching anything from the others.  
  
Chandler felt guilty. Maybe Joey was right. Monica needed him now, and it was best to forget their kisses, no matter how much he was tempted to explore the feelings they might have for each other. He tried to hug Monica, but she pulled away because she wasn't sure yet how sick he was, nor how sick she would become.  
  
***  
  
After a hurried breakfast, and Rachel leaving Emma with the nanny for now, Ross took Monica over to the hospital to be thoroughly checked out. Thankfully, the doctor assured her that she wasn't that sick, and her baby was in no danger.  
  
"Are you the father?"  
  
"No, um, I'm her brother," Ross explained. "Monica's husband couldn't come, because he's sick at home, and didn't want to affect her."  
  
So the doctor advised Monica about what would be safe for her to take as she recovered from her cold, and how much contact she should have with Chandler or anyone who was sick as a result of that night.  
  
When they returned to Monica's apartment, Phoebe had already gone home to her boyfriend, which still left three sick people. Some were sicker than others, and Monica wanted to be quarantined just in case, so they had to disinfect the master bed and decide who got what bedroom. Also, would it be more convenient for Joey to stay on the couch at Monica and Chandler's, or go back to his own apartment across the hall?  
  
Monica would normally be the mother hen to anyone who was ill, but in this case, Ross and Rachel worked out a schedule to take care of their friends. It was fairly easy, since they all had nice lengthy Christmas vacations, and they felt like spending time together after the recent awkwardness with Ross, Rachel, and Joey.  
  
Everyone soon recovered from their colds, but in all the excitement, most of the six friends forgot about Joey's plans to move to Los Angeles. Joey didn't forget, however, and a few days later, Joey reminded everyone that he was going to leave soon.  
  
"What?" They were confused.  
  
Chandler looked sad and disappointed. "You're really going to L.A.?"  
  
Joey nodded. "Yeah, I gotta finish making some arrangements, but then I'm leaving the day after my birthday." (Joey's birthday was in early January, not long after New Year's.)  
  
The gang tried to talk him out of it, but he remained firm in his decision. His eyes only wavered when he glanced at Chandler and remembered their intense kisses. If only they had shared those kisses years ago, how different might things be now? Would Joey and Chandler have become a couple? Would they have lasted this long? Would Monica have married someone else and be having his baby?  
  
Joey just went to pack his stuff and stubbornly pushed the what-ifs from his mind. It was too late, and Joey was not going to be a home wrecker again.  
  
***  
  
The gang made Joey's birthday party into a going away party. Everyone was sad, but they wished him luck with his movie career and hoped that he would keep in touch.  
  
Monica said, "I wish you'd at least stay until my baby's born. Or until Phoebe gets married."  
  
Joey shook his head. "I can't stay that long. I'm sorry."  
  
Chandler moped on the couch and tried to keep from crying. What would Monica think? What would anybody? But then again, no one was suspicious when Joey was so upset about Chandler going to Tulsa all the time.  
  
Joey had kept telling Chandler in private, "Even if you and me tried to start something, you'd just realize later that you belong with Monica, and you'd go back to her anyway. Just like Ross and Rachel. It's better this way."  
  
Chandler tried to believe that Joey was right, that his feelings for Joey would fade away, but for now, he could only feel a horrible sense of loss.  
  
"Come on, one last picture!" Phoebe said, gesturing for everybody to gather for a group photo. She set the timer and hurriedly joined the group.  
  
Joey ended up next to Chandler as usual, and put his arm around Chandler's shoulders, trying not to resent the fact that Monica was holding onto Chandler's hand. Chandler belonged to his wife, after all. She had every right to touch him; Joey had none.  
  
After the photo, they all got up to hug and kiss Joey affectionately. Chandler hesitated for a moment, then embraced Joey one last time. He wished it could last forever.  
  
Pulling away and averting his eyes, Joey thanked everyone for the party, then went to pack his presents for the trip. After a lonely, restless night, he left in the morning for the airport and flew to L.A. 


	5. Separate Lives

After Joey moved to L.A., Monica expected him to call home all the time, just as he had called Chandler constantly when he was in Tulsa. Chandler used to joke, "Joey calls me more than you do, Monica."  
  
But Joey didn't call that much from California, and he never called Chandler. Instead he would call Phoebe and leave messages for her to pass onto all the friends. But after several weeks he made more and more excuses that he was busy filming some big movie, and his schedule was hectic. Gradually, the only news they had of Joey was from the movies that he starred in.  
  
Monica found this rather rude, but Chandler reminded her that Joey had left to get away from all the happy couples here, and with Phoebe getting married soon, having contact with the gang was just a painful reminder of what he didn't have.  
  
"Yeah, I guess so," Monica said. "Well, if you're not taking it badly, Chandler, then none of us should either. I hope he's happy in L.A. and finds someone to settle down with."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
As the months passed, Chandler tried to be strong and keep focused on Monica, but he kept thinking about Joey whenever he glanced at the white dog statue on the balcony. Whenever a Friday went by without a Joey special. Whenever Phoebe mentioned how the chick and the duck were doing, now that they were her pets. Chandler knew that he needed to let go of Joey, for the sake of Monica and their coming baby, but it was terribly hard to forget those kisses.  
  
After Phoebe's wedding, the gang started to separate as well. Each couple became engrossed in their own lives and had less time to visit with the other couples. This was a natural progression, for none of them were single twenty-somethings anymore, but it was sad to drift apart.  
  
Then Monica went into labor, and the gang gathered at the hospital for the birth. It didn't feel right for Joey not to be there, so Phoebe called him. Joey said he couldn't come, but he sent a large bouquet of flowers and said, "Tell them I love them."  
  
Once the baby was home, Chandler found himself so busy with helping Monica take care of little Daniel that he had no time to pine for Joey anymore. Maybe Joey had been right all along; the feelings would fade and life would go on.  
  
***  
  
But after a few months, Christmas rolled around again. Chandler felt a pang of loneliness as he sampled the eggnog and saw Monica decorating with mistletoe again.  
  
Remembering her prediction from last year, she smiled and said, "Well, if we're not one big family, we're at least one little family, huh?"  
  
"Yeah." Chandler sighed and felt a lump in his throat.  
  
Then New Year's passed and Chandler would have forgotten Joey's birthday if not for a celebrity birthday announcement on the radio.  
  
It was a year ago today that they'd had one last hug goodbye; if only it had been a kiss. Chandler could also remember an earlier birthday, when he got wasted during the party and kissed everybody, including Joey's sister. What if Chandler had kissed Joey then? Would they have wanted each other and fooled around in the storage room, or would Joey have been the one to give Chandler a black eye?  
  
Chandler pushed the hypothetical scenario out of his brain and decided that what he needed to do was give Phoebe the white dog statue as well. Call it a late wedding present or something. Monica would be more than glad to get the tacky thing off her balcony.  
  
Phoebe gladly accepted the statue and considered it an additional pet rather than a part of her eclectic decor. "Wow! You sure you want to give him up? Joey gave him to you when you moved out."  
  
"I know. I just..." he shrugged, "it seems more appropriate to be living here with the chick and the duck."  
  
"Okay. But you can come visit anytime. --Except when me and the hubbie are doing stuff, you know." She giggled happily.  
  
***  
  
Then a few months later, Monica heard that Joey's new movie was opening and suggested that the six of them have a night out to go see the film together. How odd that the phrase "the six of us" no longer included Joey. Still, Chandler decided to go along, for his feelings for Joey had seemed to recede considerably lately, and the rest of the gang would find it odd if he didn't show.  
  
So the three couples arranged for babysitters for their kids and/or pets, then they all met at the movie theatre. Phoebe looked positively glowing now that she was past the morning sickness phase of her pregnancy, and luckily, she was still able to fit into a seat.  
  
"I guess in another month or so, I'll have to watch all my movies at home, huh?"  
  
Then the previews ended, and Joey's movie began, so the friends stopped chatting to watch.  
  
Chandler thought he was doing fine watching the film, which was as bland and mediocre as anything Joey had ever starred in before. Chandler thought he might even fall asleep like he did at Joey's movie premiere a few years ago. But then Joey had a love scene with a beautiful woman and Chandler sat up, wide awake at last. When he saw Joey half naked and in bed with his pretty co-star, Chandler bit his lip and felt a tingling sensation run all through his body. He couldn't help wishing that he had got to be kissed and touched by Joey like that.  
  
Monica clearly liked the love scene as well, and Chandler pretended to jealously disapprove of her interest in Joey, until the others had to shush them. Desperately, Chandler said he had to go to the bathroom and hurried out in the darkness. In the bathroom, Chandler discreetly got rid of his erection, but couldn't face going back to join the others, so he just went outside the theatre and bought a pack of cigarettes from the nearest shop.  
  
Chandler was still smoking when Monica and the others came and found him.  
  
"Chandler! There you are. Ah!" She pointed and glared accusingly at the cigarette between his lips.  
  
"I'm sorry." Chandler obediently dropped the cigarette to the ground and crushed it under his shoe. He also handed over the rest of the pack for her to throw away.  
  
Rachel said, "You missed the whole rest of the movie. Were you that upset at Monica liking the steamy love scene? God, you're more of a jealous freak than Ross is!"  
  
"Hey!" Ross protested.  
  
"Was," she corrected herself and took his hand. Ross had actually got better about his jealousy since they reunited. That was why she had agreed to get engaged to him, and their wedding would be next spring.  
  
Phoebe added, "If it makes you feel better, Chandler, all us women were turned on by that scene. What a hot body!"  
  
Phoebe's husband raised his eyebrows worriedly, but Ross was easygoing about it. "It's just the same as when we see a hot woman half naked, like Princess Leia in the gold bikini."  
  
"Oh." Phoebe's husband felt reassured, so he said goodbye to everybody and started to head home with Phoebe.  
  
Then Ross and Rachel said their goodbyes too, leaving Monica and Chandler alone.  
  
Monica folded her arms sternly. "No more smoking?"  
  
"No more," he nodded and looked ashamedly at his feet.  
  
"Okay, but I'll be watching you. We don't want Daniel picking up any of your bad habits."  
  
"I know. I guess it was the temptation of being out of the house..."  
  
She accepted that excuse for his relapse, and they headed home in the Porsche.  
  
***  
  
After several difficult nights, the images of the love scene faded and life returned to normal once again.  
  
Ross and Rachel continued planning their wedding and wondered if they should invite Joey, just for old times' sake. But it might be awkward, given the history and the fact that Joey hadn't kept in touch. Monica advised them to send the invitation anyway and let Joey choose to say no if he wanted to. They did so, and got back the reply that Joey wouldn't come to the wedding. But he did send a nice wedding present and a card that said "Congratulations and have a wonderful life together."  
  
Everyone hoped that Joey had found love, or at least some kind of happiness in L.A. All they knew was that his career was going well, but they had no idea about his personal life.  
  
In a few months more, Phoebe at last went into labor. Phoebe's birthmom even came to the hospital, as did Frank and Alice, to see Phoebe give birth to a beautiful daughter named Frannie. Phoebe was especially happy knowing that this baby was hers to keep.  
  
Even with most of her friends and family there, Phoebe still felt the absence of Joey. "Did anybody call Joey yet?"  
  
They hadn't. "Oh, um, we figured that he wouldn't come, just like with the other stuff."  
  
"Yeah, but we should at least tell him. You know, he said he wanted to know when big stuff happened."  
  
"Sure, but we thought you guys would just send an announcement in the mail or something."  
  
"No, no! I want to call him now. Honey, give me the cell phone." Phoebe's husband did so, so she looked up Joey's number and called him.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hi, Joey, it's Phoebe. I just had a baby!"  
  
"What? Oh! That's great!"  
  
"Yeah. These dummies here should've called you as soon as we got to the hospital, but what can you do?" After babbling about the baby for a bit, Phoebe asked, "So how are you doing, Joey?"  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry, but I can't come back for a visit--"  
  
"I know, I know. I wasn't asking. Just, you know, how are you?"  
  
He hesitated, then said, "I'm fine." He didn't want to elaborate.  
  
"Hey, you wanna maybe talk to Chandler? He's right--"  
  
"No, no! Don't. That's okay. Just, you know, say hi to him, and um, tell me when he and Monica have any other kids or move to the suburbs or whatever. I hope they're happy. I hope all of you are. I wish--"  
  
"What?"  
  
He sighed sadly, "I wish I could be there with you, but I can't. I just can't. I'm sorry."  
  
"It's okay."  
  
"So, um, congratulations, Phoebe. I'll send you something soon. Anyway, goodbye."  
  
"Goodbye." She hung up and glanced at the others, who weren't surprised by his brush off. They just looked at Chandler and wondered why he wasn't even a little hurt that Joey didn't want to talk to him.  
  
Chandler shrugged and said nothing to anyone.  
  
to be continued... 


	6. Talk of the Future

[Change of plans. Despite the lack of reviews, I'm continuing the story because I had an inspiration. Rather than Joey returning to New York on his own, I've decided to reunite the guys in a different way.]  
  
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Phoebe got home from the hospital just in time for Christmas, and soon another New Year's passed. Chandler spent all of Joey's birthday wondering how Joey was doing in L.A. Did Joey suffer through relapses like Chandler did? It sounded that way, from what Phoebe told him of their phone conversation. But maybe Phoebe didn't recall Joey's exact words correctly, or maybe there was no hint of loneliness and misery in his voice, like there had been on the balcony two years ago.  
  
"How exactly did he sound?" Chandler asked her one day in private, trying not to show how important Phoebe's answer was to him.  
  
Phoebe thought about it. "I think he was distracted or upset about something. It seemed like something was wrong, but I'm not really sure. Joey doesn't open up to me anymore. That's why I thought you should talk to him. Maybe he'd confide in you."  
  
Chandler nodded. "Yeah, but I guess he didn't feel comfortable discussing it yet. Pheebs, could you, could you give me his number again? I might call him this weekend or something."  
  
"Sure."  
  
Chandler kept Joey's phone number in his wallet for weeks afterward, unable to find the strength to call Joey. What would Chandler say to him? "Do you still love me? Do you want to come home? It's not too late. We could figure something out. We could see if Monica wants to go back to Richard, or have Phoebe dig up that British soulmate guy. I miss you, Joe. I still think about you. I saw your movie and I imagined you kissing me again. I don't think I should keep lying to Monica anymore."  
  
But what if Joey didn't love him like that anymore? It had been two years, after all. Longer than it took Joey to get over Rachel. What if Joey replied, "Chandler, I'm just busy with work and stressed out because this girl I've been seeing wants me to meet her parents. This relationship thing is harder than I thought." Maybe that was the only reason why he sounded distracted and upset to Phoebe.  
  
One evening, Chandler was so preoccupied by his conflicted feelings that he barely heard Monica's farewell before she left for the restaurant. Chandler babysat Daniel in the living room and brooded sadly on whether he could bring himself to leave his son, even if Joey still loved him.  
  
Chandler was still trying to argue himself into throwing Joey's number away, when there was a knock at the door. With a sigh, he got up to answer it and found Phoebe in the hallway.  
  
"Hi! Frannie and I are here for our play date." Phoebe was carrying her infant and a bag full of baby stuff.  
  
"Oh, uh, come in." Chandler welcomed her inside, and realized that Monica had reminded him of this play date on her way out the door.  
  
Phoebe came in and set down her bag on the couch. Then she brought Frannie over to meet little Daniel Bing, who was preoccupied with his blankie at present.  
  
Sitting down with them, Chandler tried to collect his thoughts and make conversation. "So, uh, Pheebs, how are you doing now that you're back from maternity leave?"  
  
"Great! That's one of the good things about working at that massage chain--the health benefits, and the job security." Phoebe smiled and played with the babies. "Your boy is so cute! You know what I was thinking the other day? What if my daughter and your son grew up and got married? They'd be Frannie and Danny Bing!"  
  
Chandler laughed weakly, trying to be as cheerful as she was. "Is that why you named her that? Other than it being your grandmother's name?"  
  
Phoebe smiled. "Well, I was also kind of naming her after Joey too. Joey Francis Tribbiani, you know. We would have gone with Josephine, but that was too long and Frances would kill two birds with one stone." Remembering something, Phoebe suddenly asked, "Oh, hey, did you call Joey yet? What did he say?"  
  
Chandler winced and struggled for some explanation. "I, um, I--haven't called him."  
  
She looked surprised. "Really? Why not?"  
  
"It's just," he stared at his feet, "it's just... been so long."  
  
"But you're best friends. You should find out what's bothering him."  
  
"I-I don't know. Maybe it's none of our business. Maybe we're not friends anymore. I mean, if he didn't want to talk to me at the hospital, why bother now?"  
  
Phoebe stared at Chandler, trying to figure him out. "Look, I know Joey hasn't kept in touch, but maybe he just needs a nudge from the right person. Maybe he needs you to reach out, make him feel that he's still loved."  
  
Chandler choked and got up from the couch, starting to pace around the room. He wanted desperately to tell her everything, to just talk with somebody for once instead of having to suffer through his relapses alone.  
  
Phoebe watched Chandler wringing his hands and frowned. "What's wrong? How come Joey only called me after he moved to L.A.? He should have called you, if anybody."  
  
Chandler finally sat down on a chair, not facing her. He looked down at his hands and whispered, "Phoebe, you--you always said that me and Monica would divorce someday, didn't you? You predicted we'd split in ten years?"  
  
She nodded and corrected him, "Before your ninth anniversary."  
  
"Do you really believe that?"  
  
She shrugged. "Well, I predict a lot of things about the future, and so does my psychic, but sometimes they don't work out quite as I expected. Like the lottery, when we should have got that $10,000 winning ticket. I have my off days too, and it's just harder seeing into the future than seeing into, like, past lives and stuff."  
  
Chandler stroked his son's head and asked softly, "If--if Monica and I divorce, will our son be screwed up? As bad as me?"  
  
Phoebe watched his face closely. "You mean how you used to be before Monica? When you were afraid of commitment and broke up with all those girls for dumb reasons?"  
  
He nodded and swallowed. "And will he hate me? Like I hated my father? And will he never speak to me or write or call? Will he and Monica never forgive me?"  
  
Phoebe noticed that Chandler assumed that the divorce would be his fault. She said honestly, "Well, I didn't see that part of the future. Mostly it's about us, not our kids. They don't have enough aura to read yet."  
  
Chandler frowned and hugged Daniel to him, looking desperate and miserable.  
  
Phoebe sensed that he was holding something back, something to do with Joey. Realizing, she spoke encouragingly, "Or who knows, maybe Daniel will turn out like Ben did, happy and well-adjusted."  
  
Chandler remembered saying something similar to Joey, on that long ago Christmas night. "That--that would only work if we divorce before Daniel gets much older. Before he's aware enough to be traumatized."  
  
They both knew he was drawing from his own childhood experience, especially his parents' shocking announcement during Thanksgiving dinner. It was the root of Chandler's smoking and his using humor as a defense mechanism and his problems with commitment.  
  
Phoebe agreed. "Right. So maybe you need to get a move on, Buster."  
  
Chandler looked up and blinked at her, wondering if she knew somehow. Meanwhile, Daniel squirmed in his father's lap, then crawled over to take his blankie back from Frannie.  
  
Phoebe moved the babies to a play pen and tossed them some toys to share, or fight over, then she returned to the couch to continue their serious talk. "Something happened didn't it? You and Joey were acting strange before and after he left."  
  
Chandler swallowed, struggled for his voice, and then suddenly broke down. Phoebe hugged him close and he confessed falteringly, "I--That Christmas--we, we were on the balcony. It, it wasn't about Rachel, it was... He kissed me, and I wanted--he said he couldn't break up our family. He said--he left me. How could he leave me?"  
  
"You guys should have said something to us."  
  
He calmed somewhat and shook his head. "I couldn't. Not on Christmas. Not like my parents did on Thanksgiving. I was going to, after, but Joey wanted to pretend it never happened. He said it was just the moment, and I'll get over him, and I belong with Monica..."  
  
Phoebe sighed and tsked. "Joey, Joey, Joey! He can be so stubborn sometimes. I guess he was afraid of another Ross-Rachel mess."  
  
Chandler nodded and laid his head on Phoebe's shoulder, glad that she seemed sympathetic to him. "What do I do?"  
  
"Well, it's been two years now. Do you love him?"  
  
He nodded. "But I don't know if he still loves me. Or if he'd just push me away again, say that it was wrong no matter what he felt."  
  
Phoebe said, "Well, we'll have to fix that, won't we? The nerve of him! Trying to fight destiny. Free will only goes so far."  
  
Chandler sat back and felt better, but then he glanced at the babies playing and frowned at his wedding ring with guilt. "What about Monica? I don't want to hurt her."  
  
"Don't worry, leave that to me. I already found Monica's soulmate once. Let me just dig up Don's number again."  
  
"You really think he's her soulmate?"  
  
"Sure! It's even her lifelong fantasy, you know? Meet a person from a strange land, fall in love, and spend the rest of your lives together. See, how she got mixed up was that you and she were IN a strange land when you were in London, but you weren't FROM there."  
  
Chandler asked, "Are you sure Mon will be okay? I mean, she's gonna be mad and hurt, no matter what guy you--"  
  
"Not if we do it right!" Phoebe insisted. "Besides, haven't you seen the way that Monica keeps flirting with guys lately and sometimes forgets you exist? If I can get her to see that she'd be happier with someone else, then this divorce can be mutual, and she might not object to shared custody of Danny."  
  
"Daniel," Chandler corrected, then frowned apologetically. "Sorry. It's just, Monica always wants to call him that."  
  
Phoebe nodded. "Yeah, and that's just one way that she's become more anal and controlling than ever. It's to compensate for not being able to control her wandering eye."  
  
Chandler pondered that, and Phoebe got up to dig her black book out of her purse.  
  
"I know for sure that I kept Don's info." She beckoned to Chandler, "Come on, we've got a plan to put together! Then you and Monica can go back to being just friends, like you were meant to be."  
  
to be continued... 


	7. The Puppet Master Returns

Not surprisingly, the plan turned out to be more of Phoebe's devising than Chandler's. He was still very unsure about Joey's feelings for him, and his guilt regarding his wife and son gave him second thoughts about pursuing the matter.  
  
"Maybe we should leave things alone," Chandler protested. "If he doesn't love me, and it's all for nothing--"  
  
"He loves you," Phoebe insisted. "He's always loved you. You were both just too blind to see it. I mean, come on, couldn't you tell when he hugged you all the time and bought you jewelry and even kissed you at New Year's? Or when he would fight with you and get jealous just like a lover? Or when he was dating Kathy, the girl who was eerily like you in almost every way?"  
  
Chandler frowned, having never thought of these incidents in quite that way before. He had always assumed that Joey was just puppy-like in his unwavering devotion and affection.  
  
Phoebe continued, "And do you notice how most of the women that he dates seriously are either his roommates or very smart or both? He's still trying to find a substitute for you. If Joey's dating anybody in L.A., I bet it's some brainy girl who likes sandwiches, foosball, and making sarcastic jokes."  
  
Chandler got worried at that. "Do you, do you think he is dating anybody? It's been two years. He must have found somebody--"  
  
Phoebe shushed him and patted his head patronizingly. "Leave everything to the puppet master to deal with."  
  
Chandler started to protest again, but was interrupted by noisy squealing coming from the playpen. Daniel was getting rather mad and wouldn't let Frannie play with his toys.  
  
The parents had to break up the squabble, then Phoebe packed up Frannie and the diaper bag so that they could go home. Going to the door, Phoebe said, "Well, we gotta head back now, but I'll work on the plan some more. See ya."  
  
Left alone with his son, Chandler quieted him down then sat brooding again, wishing that he and Joey had got together years ago, or at least after that Christmas on the balcony.  
  
***  
  
Phoebe on the other hand had no doubts about resuming her role as puppet master for the group; it was hard work, of course, and Ross and Rachel had resisted all her manipulations for years, but at last she had successfully reunited them and they were finally mature enough to stay together this time. Phoebe was sure that she could resolve Joey and Chandler's mess as well, so she put Frannie to bed, then put her plan into action.  
  
First, she found Don's number again and called him up to find out how he was now. Unlike Phoebe's other friend Steve, who had lost his restaurant due to his drug use, Don still had a thriving business, importing various kinds of cheese from France. He also remained a connoisseur of fine wine and food.  
  
After catching up and ascertaining that Don was currently single, Phoebe asked casually, "Oh, do you remember my friend Monica, from Allesandro's? Yeah, she's the head chef at Javu's now! You should eat there! The food is not at all pretentious or garlicky... What? Oh, you have eaten there? And you loved it? Oh." She giggled as if she were still a flaky hippie, and not a scheming wife and mother. "Well, of course you did, Don, 'cause you loved Monica's cooking at Allesandro's too. I remember, when you guys talked, you both looked so happy chatting on and on about food and restaurants; it's like you're kindred spirits."  
  
"I wouldn't go as far as to say that," Don answered mildly. "I've met many such people in my profession."  
  
"Oh. I guess I just never moved in the fancy-shmancy gourmet circles that you and Monica have."  
  
"Still, you lived quite an interesting and satisfactory life in your own circles," Don answered, somewhat flirtatiously. He wondered if Phoebe had rung him in order to start things up again. Though he and Phoebe did not have much in common, Don still liked her generally and had certainly enjoyed the sex they had. Phoebe was very bendy and talented, due to her years of practicing yoga and massage. Perhaps she now regretted breaking off their earlier fling.  
  
Phoebe recognized the tone of Don's voice and realized that she hadn't mentioned her husband and daughter yet. She better get Don focused on Monica in a hurry. "Hey, wait a minute, Don--if you've eaten at Javu's, then why haven't you asked to go into the kitchen and say hello to Monica? She hasn't mentioned you coming by at all."  
  
"Oh, well, I was always there during very busy nights when the restaurant was completely booked and I didn't want to disturb her making her culinary masterpieces. Besides, I don't think she would remember me."  
  
"Of course she would remember you! You're one of the few people who ever get as excited about food as she does, and definitely the only one who said that he'd like to live in a house of cheese."  
  
Don chuckled fondly at the memory and replied, "Well, perhaps I will go in to see her the next time I dine at Javu's. That is, if I can get a reservation at all. The restaurant seems to get more popular with every passing month."  
  
"You should mention that you're an old friend of Monica's then."  
  
"I hardly think I'm an old friend!" Don protested. "More like a brief acquaintance. A chap who dated her friend a few years back. I'm sure she doesn't even remember my last name."  
  
"Of course she does!" Phoebe insisted. "If you want me to, I'll remind her, but I'm sure she'll remember on her own. Or, you know, maybe you could drop by and meet her some night when she's not busy working? You two could catch up and discuss cheese again."  
  
Don was confused by this continual prodding towards Monica. "Phoebe, dear, what exactly are your intentions here? Are you trying to fix me up with Monica? But isn't she still married to that fellow? You know, the one who hates smelly cheese?"  
  
Phoebe knew that she had to tell the truth about this. "You mean Chandler. Yeah, they're still married. In fact, they have a son named Daniel now."  
  
"A son? Oh, splendid! I'm very happy for them. Now, about your intentions, Phoebe--"  
  
She interrupted him with exasperation. "Don! Okay, I'll admit I'm up to something. I just, um, I had a very strong psychic premonition that you and Monica are supposed to meet again, very soon. Can you just trust me and meet with her please?"  
  
Don remembered Phoebe's charming enthusiasm for psychics and tried to humor her. "Well, er, that's interesting. Um, I'm not sure if I believe in psychic stuff--"  
  
"You don't have to believe, Don. You just have to meet with her. Please! You could, um, have dinner with her and congratulate her on the new restaurant and the new baby and all of that stuff. Please go along, Don. It's very important to both your futures."  
  
"Our futures? Mine and Monica's?" Then inspiration struck him. "Oh, do you mean perhaps that I make a business deal with her to import cheeses for Javu's, and then we become very successful?"  
  
"Um, maybe." She should have thought of that before. "I mean, I don't have a head for business, you know, but uh, I-I kinda get the feeling that a... a partnership may come out of it. So, will you meet with Monica and find out?"  
  
"I think I shall, then. Yes, all right, Phoebe. I'll go along. Even if nothing comes of it, we'll have a pleasant chat about food again. Can you arrange things with Monica for me?"  
  
"Yep, and I promise that she will remember you, Don."  
  
"All right. Well, ring me when you've spoken with her. It was nice talking to you again."  
  
"Yeah, me too. I'll call you soon. Bye." Then she hung up and checked off Phase One of her plan. For Phase Two, Phoebe would have to arrange the dinner date with Monica and remind her of all the details about her soulmate Don.  
  
However, Monica probably wouldn't be home until late tonight, so Phoebe decided to save Phase Two for tomorrow. Getting up from the couch, she went to go check on Frannie again.  
  
When Phoebe entered the baby's room, she saw her husband bent over the crib, happily watching Frannie sleep. With an adoring smile, he whispered to her, "You're so beautiful. Just like your mother."  
  
"Thank you," Phoebe said with a giggle.  
  
David turned around in surprise and blushed, pushing the glasses onto the bridge of his nose again. Then he pulled Phoebe close and kissed her. "I love you."  
  
"I love you too." They embraced, then looked fondly on their sleeping infant.  
  
[Surprise! Phoebe's husband is David the physicist. Take that, Mike! (Sorry to any Mike fans out there, but I just hate him, especially after his behavior at Barbados.) I will explain in a later chapter how Phoebe ended up dumping Mike and reuniting with David. Anybody care to suggest a surname for David? I think I should name him after some eminent physicist, like Fermi or James Clerk Maxwell, but would that be too corny?  
  
I need suggestions for Don's last name too, something that will go well with Monica's name, when she remarries. The only details we learn about him are in episode 816, TOW Joey Tells Rachel; Don is tall, brown-haired, British, sophisticated, older than Monica (but then, so was Richard), and I quote Phoebe, "so centered and mature and confident."] 


	8. Phase Two and Three

[Well, I am still mulling over David's last name, but I have decided to make Don's last name Brendan. According to behindthename.com, Brendan means "prince", which reminds me of Monica's wedding vows about her prince and her soulmate. Plus, there was apparently a Saint Brendan, a 6th-century Irish abbot who supposedly crossed the Atlantic and arrived in North America with other monks.]  
  
-  
  
-  
  
So Phoebe spoke to Monica the next day, asking if she remembered Soulmate Don, and Monica laughed with surprise and recognition. Phoebe often referred to her friends and acquaintances by descriptive nicknames such as Crematorium Chris, Cilantro Larry, and Stabby Joe, but this particular nickname was one that Monica wasn't likely to forget.  
  
"Phoebe!" she scolded. "I told you, he's not my soulmate. I don't believe in that stuff, and even if I did, Chandler's the love of my life."  
  
"Yeah, but what else am I gonna call him, Wants-To-Live-In-A-House-Of-Cheese Don?"  
  
"You could try calling him by his actual name, Donald Brendan."  
  
Phoebe grinned at being proved right. Monica did remember Don's name, all on her own. "So you do remember him. Great! Well, listen, I was just talking to him last night, and he wants to have dinner with you soon."  
  
"What?" Monica tried to digest all this. "Don was talking to you last night? When? Weren't you having a play-date for the kids?"  
  
"Yeah, but this was after I took Frannie home. Anyway, I told him about you working at Javu's now and having a kid, and he said he was very happy for you. In fact, he'd like to see you again and congratulate you face to face."  
  
Monica pondered that cautiously. "Well, that's very nice of him. But I don't think I should do that, especially with how jealous and insecure Chandler got the last time I spent time with Don. I don't want to give Chandler an excuse to harp on Don the way he harps on Richard."  
  
"Oh come on! Chandler's not that bad. Trust me, it won't bother him at all."  
  
"Are you kidding me? Remember me having lunch with Richard before Vegas? Or Chandler getting all obsessed about that sex tape that he found at Richard's apartment? He just won't let go, and if I have dinner with Don, Chandler's definitely gonna freak out."  
  
"But--"  
  
Monica shook her head. "Look, Pheebs, can you just call Don back and tell him, um, that I'm too busy for dinner, but if he stops by Javu's some night, then he can maybe say hello or something? That oughta be safe."  
  
"Well, Don's already dropped by Javu's before, but it's always so busy and crowded that he didn't want to disturb you 'making your culinary masterpieces.'"  
  
"Really?" Monica flushed with pleasure. "He said that?"  
  
"Yeah. Come on, Monica, you work too hard at that restaurant anyway! How about I make sure that Chandler won't get jealous? Then you can go out with Don, and have a nice relaxing evening away from work. You know you want to! Think of how much fun it will be to see Don again. You guys can catch up and talk shop about food and stuff."  
  
Monica felt really tempted. "But how are you gonna make Chandler not be jealous? It's not possible."  
  
"Yes it is. I could, like, tell him to fly out to L.A. and visit Joey."  
  
"What? Really?"  
  
Phoebe nodded. "Yeah, in fact he could go away for the whole weekend and have some guy time with Joey. Me and David could babysit Danny for you."  
  
"Daniel," Monica corrected, before the full impact of Phoebe's words hit her. Then she gasped excitedly. "Oh my God, that's brilliant, Phoebe! That will definitely work! He'll never even know that I had dinner with Don. Oh, thank you, thank you!" She jumped up and down and hugged Phoebe.  
  
"You're welcome," Phoebe said.  
  
"Wait! Are you gonna be able to keep a secret this time? You didn't keep my lunch with Richard a secret in Vegas."  
  
"I know, I know! But I can keep a secret. I kept Ross's non-annulment a secret for weeks, you know, and plenty of other secrets besides."  
  
"That's true. But I just don't want this to come back and bite me in the ass later."  
  
"It won't. I promise, Chandler's gonna be so excited about seeing Joey again that he won't even care about anything else. I mean, you know how depressed Chandler gets around the holidays, from thinking about Joey. It's like the two weeks from Christmas to Joey's birthday have become his new Thanksgiving."  
  
"Yeah, you're right. He should get out of town."  
  
"Right, so you go arrange for one of the other chefs to work Javu's this weekend, and I can tell Don when to come meet you for dinner."  
  
"Okay. Thanks, Pheebs! Oh, and remember to get Chandler to go to L.A."  
  
"Don't worry, I won't forget."  
  
***  
  
With Phase Two of her plan complete, Phoebe started work on Phase Three--making sure that Joey was ready for Chandler to win him back. This would be tricky, since Phoebe had to do all her manipulation over the phone, instead of face-to-face.  
  
She called Joey for the first time since she gave birth to Frannie a few months ago. "Hi, Joey!"  
  
"Uh, hi Pheebs." Joey sounded surprised and guarded. "What's up?"  
  
"Nothing. Just keeping in touch. Oh, thank you for the present that you sent for Frannie. She plays with it all the time."  
  
"That's nice," Joey said, with sadness in his voice. It obviously hurt him to miss out on the family life of all his friends in New York. His self-imposed exile had been necessary, but left him very lonely indeed. "So, um, how's everybody else doing? Are Ross and Rachel busy with their wedding plans?"  
  
"Yeah, that and taking care of Emma. Jill, Amy, and Rachel are trying to get their parents to get along so they won't fight at the wedding. Rachel's all, 'Come on, Chandler's parents were at least civil to each other for his wedding, and it was really embarrassing when none of you showed up for Emma's first birthday party!'"  
  
"Oh yeah," Joey answered. "Well, good luck getting the Greens to stop bickering for a moment! They might need to have two weddings, like Rachel's two birthday parties."  
  
"That's an idea. If they did, would you come to one of the weddings?"  
  
Joey immediately made his excuses. "Nah, I can't. I-I gotta film another movie..." He trailed off, then cleared his throat. "What about Mon and Chandler? Are they having another baby yet, or moving to the suburbs?"  
  
"Nope, they're still just hanging out here in New York. Monica's worked too hard to give up the prestige of working at Javu's yet. She doesn't wanna take maternity leave again for quite a while."  
  
"Oh, okay." His voice got quiet and wistful again. "I hope they're happy. I really... um, uh, I should send Danny another birthday present, right?"  
  
"Yeah, in just a few months more, he'll be two years old. Hey, Joey, are you seeing anybody right now? When are we gonna hear wedding bells for you?"  
  
Joey avoided the question uncomfortably. "Ah, you know me, Pheebs--I can't settle down. I'm a lone wolf, an outlaw... I'm having too much fun here with all these Hollywood girls!"  
  
His attempt to sound carefree didn't quite work. Phoebe could tell that this was mere bravado, not at all like his genuine enthusiasm for sleeping around in New York.  
  
"And besides," Joey spoke somewhat more seriously, "things didn't work out with Kate, so I gotta move on. I'll be all right."  
  
"Okay, honey, but you call me anytime that you need to talk. If you don't wanna talk to me, you can tell your troubles to the chick and the duck. Right, guys?" She pointed the phone to the birds who were playing around in the living room.  
  
"Hey, guys!" Joey called out, and they immediately responded with quacks and clucks. Joey laughed and seemed cheered by the fact that his birds remembered his voice.  
  
Smiling, Phoebe put the receiver to her ear again. "Hey, Mr. Big Shot, with you being all busy filming and dating the hot chicks, are you gonna be home at all this weekend? I was thinking about sending you a surprise in the mail."  
  
"Really? What kind of surprise?"  
  
"It won't be a surprise if I tell you!" she admonished. "No, it's just something really important, and I want you to be there to, um, sign for the package and everything."  
  
Joey remained rather puzzled and curious. "Uh, is it like some cookies from my mom? Or, ooh, did you find some way to send a lasagna through the mail?"  
  
"Joey! You'll find out when it gets there. Just don't go out and spend the weekend with one of your bimbos, okay?"  
  
"Okay, I guess so. Don't want the food to spoil."  
  
"Right. Bye now." Phoebe hung up and checked off Phase 3 of her plan. She wondered whether she should send Chandler with a cheesecake from Mama's Little Bakery in Chicago, just to fulfill Joey's expectations of food. But then again, Chandler might get nervous and pig out on the cheesecake during the flight to L.A.  
  
So Phoebe decided to move on to Phase Four, getting Chandler ready to fly to L.A. She should prep him to make sure that he could convince Joey to stop fighting destiny and come home to New York. The puppet master's work never seemed to end. 


	9. Leaving on a Jet Plane

"You sure she's not suspicious about me going to L.A. of the sudden?" Chandler asked as he went online and started to book a flight to Los Angeles.  
  
Phoebe watched his movements on the laptop and nodded. "I'm sure. I told her it was a distraction so that you wouldn't find out about her going out to dinner with Don. Make sure you don't let on to her that you know about that. She still thinks you'll be all jealous about him, just like you are about Richard. Or were," she corrected herself. "I bet you don't even care about him now, do you?"  
  
"No, I don't," Chandler said with an uneasy sigh. "I've been feeling too guilty lately from thinking about Joey, that I don't even try to scold her for flirting with guys all the time." He shook his head with disbelief and resentment. "You'd think she'd have more shame, being a married woman, but I don't even see her feel guilty when I catch her flashing her boobs at a karaoke bar, or letting soap stars autograph her bra, or drooling over the male stripper at your bachelorette party. It's like, does that wedding ring mean nothing to her? It only made her happy up until the wedding, and then the next morning, the thrill was gone."  
  
Phoebe patted his shoulder comfortingly. "Well, now you and Mon can end this sorry excuse for a marriage and go on to better, happier relationships. I bet you and Joey will be so in love that you'll never have to get insecure about his commitment to you."  
  
Chandler looked sadly into the distance. "I hope so. That's what I wanted to believe when he kissed me that night on Christmas. I wanted to think that he meant what he said about loving me. That it wasn't gonna be another crush that faded with time. I mean, sometimes it feels like Monica's lost all interest in me, especially since Daniel's been born. I've noticed that she's started to zone me out again when I talk about work, just like when I had my old data analysis job. Advertising can't be that boring, can it?"  
  
Phoebe tsked disapprovingly. "Even if it is, you gotta make an effort for your husband. When David's all talking to me about physics, I try to at least know what experiment he's working on. I mean, after all, his paper proving that positronic distillation of subatomic particles can't be done yet was the whole reason why he got that job at NYU! I even taught Rachel how to memorize the titles of Ross's dinosaur papers, and I made him learn all that fashion jargon that he found boring before. They have to respect each other if they're gonna really love each other."  
  
Chandler clicked the button to purchase his tickets to L.A. Now he was committed to this trip, even though he was scared of taking this step.  
  
"Good for you!" Phoebe stood up and said, "All right, let's go get you packed."  
  
Leaving the computer on the table, he hesitantly followed her to the master bedroom and got out his luggage, leftover from his commutes to Tulsa. As she started to help him pick out clothes to pack, Chandler asked her doubtfully, "Are you sure Monica's gonna fall in love with Don with just one dinner? I mean, neither of them even think of it as a date."  
  
"Chandler, they're soulmates! It's meant to be. They will fall in love, even if I have to find excuses to keep pushing them together all weekend. You just worry about what you're gonna say to Joey when you get to his apartment."  
  
Chandler looked worried. "What am I gonna say, Pheebs?"  
  
"You're gonna say you love him, and that Monica's already got somebody else, so there's no excuse for him to keep moping in L.A. like that. Tell him he's got to come home."  
  
"Are you sure he's moping about me? Maybe I'd just be intruding on his life--"  
  
"Chandler, get it through your thick skull! He loves you. Even if he pretends that he's happy in L.A., even if he says he's dating somebody and he's moved on, don't believe him. If I had believed David when he bluffed like that to me, then I never would have been with him during those weeks before Barbados."  
  
"But you ended up dumping him for Mike."  
  
"I know! It was the stupidest thing I ever did. That'll teach me to let Monica meddle in my love life! I mean, one minute she was telling me that I should give it some time before I got over Mike, and the next minute she's talking Mike into showing up and proposing to me. I got all my emotions confused, I didn't know left from right, or right from wrong. What happened to her 'be patient' policy, huh? It was like she switched over to the 'go ahead, be hasty and lusty' mode that she was on during London, and we all know how well *that* worked out. Man, I'd never have forgiven her if I had wound up in a crappy marriage with Mike like you and Monica did." She shuddered at the thought.  
  
Chandler recognized that shudder. He'd seen it before, on the flight home from Barbados, when Phoebe and Mike broke up. They caused quite a scene on the plane, fighting about the fact that Mike had just revealed that he had a girlfriend back in New York.  
  
"What?!" she shouted furiously. "You came to Barbados to steal me from my current boyfriend! Why the hell didn't you mention your girlfriend to me before now?! Like before I slept with you in mine and David's hotel room? Before the never ending ping-pong match? Before we spent the whole weekend in Barbados acting like a lovey-dovey couple?"  
  
"But I'm going to break up with her as soon as I get home!" Mike answered sheepishly.  
  
"Yeah, and are you gonna tell her that you cheated on her all weekend? Where did she think you were all this time?"  
  
"Just... out of town. I mean, sure I'll tell her that I cheated, Phoebe; that way, she definitely won't try to argue me out of the breakup. Now will you please calm down? What's the difference? She's just my girlfriend. You're the love of my life."  
  
"Love of your life?" Phoebe scoffed and glanced at Monica for some reason. Then she gave a strange, unexplained gasp of horror and slapped Mike. "The love of your life is the one that you should be honest with! You've made me into nothing but a mistress, a tramp, a girl of no principles! A girl who'd dump her devoted boyfriend and jump on another guy the very same night! Get out of David's seat, get off this plane, and get the hell out of my life!"  
  
"But, my luggage is--"  
  
"Get off now, before the plane takes off and I have to throw you out of the emergency door!"  
  
Faced with that threat, Mike got off in a hurry, and Phoebe kept shouting after him, "You bastard! You're nothing but a... a lawyer! Yeah, that's right! A lawyer! You put on your sweet piano player act, but you're just an evil lawyer! Evil!"  
  
After Mike departed, and the deafening silence on the plane began to fill with tense whispers among the passengers, Phoebe muttered to herself, "I hope he rots in hell! Or worse, I hope he dates Ursula!" Then she choked and started to sob. "Oh God, I've lost David! I've lost him!"  
  
Monica tried to hug her, but Phoebe repulsed her touch and moved over to Joey for comfort. He held her for the rest of the flight, while she alternated between curses about Mike and laments about David. Phoebe also shuddered at the thought that she had let Mike sleep with her so many times under false pretences. Even in the early days of their breakup, Mike had given her a rehearsed speech to convince her to have one last night of sex, and now in Barbados he had used her in an even worse way, cheating her of her David.  
  
After the gang arrived in New York again, Phoebe had gone about in a depression for weeks, frantically trying to find David and beg for his forgiveness. David wasn't easy to find at first, because after leaving Barbados early, he had decided that he needed a change in priorities. He returned the engagement ring and moved in with some of his scientist friends from the failed Minsk project, and they all busily occupied themselves with finishing their joint paper and applying for positions at NYU. David had previously let himself get too distracted from work by his relationship with Phoebe.  
  
Luckily, Ross saw David on campus for a presentation, and he informed Phoebe, who came as fast as she could to apologize for her behavior at Barbados and for all the times that she had ever accidentally called him Mike.  
  
David wanted to melt into her arms, but first he had to ask, "If you love me so much, how could you leave me for him? Why couldn't you just forget him?"  
  
She confessed through her tears. "Because I was afraid that you would leave me again. I waited for you for years, David, and every time you came back from Minsk, you couldn't stay. I was scared that when you got a new research grant, that you'd just go away again. I thought Mike was safer; I thought, I'm getting older and this is my last chance to settle down. I thought I wanted security, a future, and a normal, soccer mom life. I thought I wanted to join his snobby Park Avenue family, and it would make up for being so poor and homeless before. But I was wrong. What's the point of safety or money, if I'm not with the one I love? Even if we end up poor and cold, in the middle of nowhere, I want to be with you. Just you."  
  
Deeply touched, David kissed her and whispered, "Oh, Phoebe." He wiped away her tears and met her eyes. "I'd lose all my toes to frostbite if I had to. I'd do anything for you. I love you."  
  
They cried in each other's arms for a while, before they finally composed themselves and started to leave together. But suddenly David stopped them and remembered that he had to go break off a blind date that some of his friends had set him up on, to get over Phoebe. Hearing this, she happily kissed him and told him to come to her apartment when he was done. That was how they reunited, for the last time.  
  
As Phoebe told Chandler the details of this reconciliation, he realized how much Joey meant to him and what he ought to say to bring him home. 


	10. Chandler Goes to LA

[In response to Nick's review, yes I am aware that the storyline won't fit into season 10 since, first of all, I have Phoebe with David instead of Mike. I started this story just after the season 9 finale, based on certain assumptions I had about how things would go in season 10. If you want me to label it as an AU, I will. And yes, Joey did get himself a girlfriend in L.A., but it didn't work out with Kate. (This is Kate Miller from season 3, whom he clearly had feelings for before she moved away. Assume that too many years have passed and they've changed too much.)  
  
The point is that Joey is not over Chandler yet and that the women he finds in L.A. haven't lived up to what he wants, so he goes back to his womanizing ways. I believe that Joey is capable of being serious and broken hearted about someone when he's really in love. Plus, he is deeply afraid of causing trouble between another pair of his friends, so he makes excuses about why he should exile himself from them.]  
  
-  
  
-  
  
When Chandler arrived at the airport in L.A., he remembered that Joey liked those big Toblerone candy bars, so he bought one. It was a silly indulgence, but it had been so long since he had bought anything for Joey, and the gesture felt comfortingly familiar.  
  
After leaving baggage claim, Chandler took a cab to his hotel and checked in. He didn't want to just presumptuously show up at Joey's door with his luggage and ask to stay for the whole weekend. It had been two years since they last saw or spoke to each other. Besides, he was jet lagged and weary, so he wanted a chance to freshen up and rehearse his words one more time before going to the address that Phoebe had given him.  
  
Chandler changed his clothes, then unpacked the photo that he had brought with him. It was the final group picture from Joey's farewell party two years ago. Normally it resided in one of Monica's meticulously cross-referenced photo albums, but Chandler had furtively removed it when packing for this trip.  
  
Chandler stared at the photo and noticed the way that Joey put his arm around him, looking almost guilty for touching him. He was trying to do the right thing by leaving Chandler, but that didn't make it any easier or less painful.  
  
With a sigh, Chandler put the photo down and picked up the Toblerone bar, then he went downstairs to hail a cab to Joey's apartment building. He hoped that Joey wouldn't keep arguing with him about how wrong it was to break up a family, but maybe it might take all weekend (or longer) to convince Joey to stop being so stubborn.  
  
***  
  
Chandler arrived at a pretty nice apartment building. According to the cabbie, lots of up and coming actors lived here on their way to becoming rich and famous.  
  
When Chandler reached Joey's apartment door, he took a breath, then knocked.  
  
Joey soon came to the door, commenting out loud, "That must be my package." When he opened it, he gasped, utterly shocked and speechless.  
  
Chandler shrugged and held up the Toblerone bar jokingly. "You like chocolate, right?"  
  
Joey didn't react to the offer, just stammering, "Chandler? Wha--what are you--?"  
  
"You look so different," Chandler noticed, "yet the same. I, um, I've got something to talk to you about, Joe--in private."  
  
As he waited for Joey to invite him inside, a woman suddenly entered from another room, carrying a baby. She said, "Joey, I'm so sorry! She spit up on your leather couch before I could get a rag. I promise I'll clean it up."  
  
Now Chandler was shocked and speechless. Joey had a baby? A wife and a baby? But Phoebe had said he didn't have anybody special.  
  
Joey turned to the woman. "Uh, that's okay, Sarah. Never mind."  
  
"You sure?"  
  
"Yeah, go sit back down with her, will ya?"  
  
"Okay." She departed with the kid, looking rather relieved that Joey wasn't upset about his expensive furniture.  
  
Chandler just stood there, heartbroken and lost. "Oh my God," he whispered.  
  
Looking tense, Joey pulled him inside and shut the door. "Why did you come here? What's going on?"  
  
Chandler couldn't speak at first, just handing him the Toblerone bar and finding a chair to sit down on.  
  
Taking a seat too, Joey put the candy aside and remained confused. "I don't get this. Phoebe said a surprise in the mail. Why are you here?"  
  
"I was, I was just--" he choked up and couldn't continue calmly. "Do you, do you love her?"  
  
Joey glanced in the direction of the other room and shrugged. "You mean Sarah? I, um, it's kind of hard to explain..."  
  
Crushed and assuming the worst, Chandler got up to leave. "I-I shouldn't have come. I better go."  
  
"Chandler, wait! Hey, come back!" He stood up and followed him to the door.  
  
Shaking his head, Chandler couldn't hold back the tears. "This was all a mistake. I'm sorry."  
  
Joey grabbed his arm and wouldn't let go. "Come on, will ya tell me what's going on already? Is something wrong with Monica? Or the gang? Talk to me!"  
  
"It's too late! Too late." Chandler just wanted to go back to his hotel room and cry.  
  
Joey hugged him and gave him some tissues, trying to comfort him even if he didn't know what was going on. He couldn't stand to see Chandler this upset.  
  
Sarah peeked in from the other room, asking hesitantly, "Is something wrong? Should me and Maddy go?"  
  
Joey turned to her and nodded. "Yeah, um, we should meet some other time. I'm sorry, but my--my friend dropped by all of the sudden."  
  
"I understand. I'll call you tomorrow and make another appointment. Let me go get Maddy and her stuff."  
  
Against Chandler's protests, Joey moved them back to the chairs and sat down again, waiting for Sarah and the baby to leave. She waved to Joey, then let herself out of the apartment.  
  
Joey looked at Chandler, who had calmed down somewhat, though he remained sad. "Now will you talk to me?"  
  
Chandler sighed and frowned. "What's the point? If you love her..."  
  
"Chandler, can you just tell me why you're here? Did Monica come too?"  
  
"No. She's probably off having the time of her life in New York. When the cat's away, the mouse will play. You should know that; you saw her drooling all over guys at your soap opera party."  
  
"It's just--it's just flirting," Joey said dismissively, but didn't seem entirely convinced himself. Still, he defended Monica. "She doesn't really mean anything by it. She always says you're the love of her life."  
  
"She says it, but she doesn't mean it. It's more out of habit now."  
  
Joey touched his hand and looked worried. "What are you saying? You guys are having trouble? Maybe you need to see a marriage counselor or something?" He tried to be encouraging and optimistic.  
  
Chandler sighed at the touch of his hand and whispered, "Therapy's not gonna fix this. I love you."  
  
"Chandler!" Joey started to pull away uncomfortably.  
  
Chandler leaned closer. "No, listen to me! Maybe you don't love me anymore, Joe, but you should hear me out, 'cause I came all this way. I love you. I really do. These past two years, I tried to keep myself busy with the kid, and my job, and pretending that me and Monica belonged together like you said, but it's no use. I keep remembering your kisses, and when I saw your movie a while back, I imagined us making love. And it's not like Monica tries hard to be committed to me. She's always hitting on other guys, and Phoebe even says that Monica has a soulmate that she really belongs with, not me."  
  
Joey frowned worriedly. "Phoebe? What does Phoebe know about this?"  
  
"I told her," Chandler said. "I told her about what happened on Christmas and why you really left for L.A."  
  
"What?! How could you do that, Chandler? She'll tell Monica and everything will go wrong--"  
  
"It already *has* gone wrong!" he answered. "I'm, I'm gonna divorce Monica--"  
  
"No! No, you can't!"  
  
"Joey, I have to! If I wait any longer, then this marriage is gonna get worse and worse, and my kid is gonna be so traumatized, and it's gonna be just like my parents' marriage. I have to end this before it's too late."  
  
"Chandler, it's not that bad! You can't abandon your kid, your wife--"  
  
"I can, and I will!" he spoke with determination and finality. Then his face softened, and he looked at Joey sadly. "I thought maybe I could be with you, if you loved me, but since you've moved on... I don't know, I guess I'll take a break from things. Maybe I'll go to Vegas and visit my dad for a while. I don't think I'll stay there for good, but it will give me a chance to figure out what I want to do next."  
  
Joey stubbornly protested, "Chandler, don't do this! It's wrong. Don't give up on your marriage so quickly. Ross and Rachel gave up on each other for stupid reasons all the time, but now they're happy and getting married again."  
  
"Stop it!" Chandler got angry. "Stop it! We're not Ross and Rachel! We never have been and we never will be. Monica and I couldn't be more different from Ross and Rachel if we tried! We would joke away all our fights, and pretend like nothing bothered us at all."  
  
"You were happy--"  
  
"No! That's not happy at all; that's fake happy. We were just, just bottling up our feelings and holding on out of desperation to not have another failed relationship. Me and Monica are more like, like Janice and Gary. Remember Janice and Gary, Joe? They were gonna divorce, and I was in love with her, and everything went great until she started kissing him again. You told me to bow out so that Janice and Gary could give it another shot, but it didn't work out between them. Their family still broke up, and Janice ended up with a new guy anyway. I gave it a shot with Monica after you left, but it didn't work. No matter how much I don't want to hurt her or our kid, I can't forget you, Joe. I can't pretend that I never kissed you, or that I'm happy with Monica. I can't live this lie anymore."  
  
"But Chandler, how can you just leave them?"  
  
"Because it's for the best. I mean, I'll still try to get shared custody of Daniel and be there for him, but I just can't stay trapped there with Monica. I can't."  
  
Joey said nothing, looking sad and trying to figure out some other argument he could counter with. Surely there was some way to work things out?  
  
Chandler sighed and thought back to his childhood. "Joey, didn't you ever wonder why my dad stayed with my mom for ten years? Ever since Monica made me get back in touch with my dad, I've had some phone conversations with him about it."  
  
Joey shrugged. "He didn't know that he was gay yet. Like Ross and Carol."  
  
"No, actually it's not like that at all. Yeah, Carol never knew that she was a lesbian until Susan came along; that's why she and Ross stayed married for seven years and were able to become friends afterward. But my dad had doubts right from his wedding day. I mean, he had sex with his best man and wore the wedding dress on the honeymoon, for God's sake! My dad knew that he'd probably made a mistake, but he stayed anyway to keep the family together, because he got my mom pregnant. He was trying to do the right thing, biding his time until I was eighteen and out of the house. But see, he couldn't really wait that long, and he was lonely and tempted and depressed. Both my parents became bitter alcoholics, and things just deteriorated between them until they were bickering and cheating on each other all the time. Then finally all the secrets and lies came out on Thanksgiving, when I was nine years old. They just built up all this misery and resentment that it had to explode in a giant catastrophe. Well, I'm sure as hell not gonna do that to my kid! I'm gonna be an adult and get the hell out before it's too late."  
  
Joey was stunned by this. "You really think you and Monica would turn out like your parents if you stayed married?"  
  
Chandler nodded. "Yeah, it's wrong to stay together just for the kid. People should only stay together because they really love each other, not because they feel an obligation. Just imagine what a disaster it would have been if Carol had stayed with Ross just because she found out that she was pregnant with Ben. They'd just get bitter and be cheated out of the people they really love."  
  
Joey seemed to finally understand Chandler's point of view. "So you're really gonna divorce Monica? No matter what?"  
  
"Yeah. As soon as I get home, I'm gonna talk to her about it. Hopefully by then, Phoebe will have finished making Monica fall in love with her soulmate."  
  
"Soulmate?"  
  
"Yeah, you remember that Don guy that Phoebe said was Monica's soulmate? He loved stinky cheese, and kept talking about gourmet restaurants and his villa in France. He kinda looked like Richard, when his mustache was shaved off."  
  
"Oh yeah. I think you mentioned him to me once. Wait, Phoebe's trying to fix them up now?"  
  
"Yeah, she thinks that if Monica falls in love with him, then she won't be so angry and upset about me divorcing her. We can maybe become friends again."  
  
"Wow."  
  
"Anyway, um," Chandler cleared his throat and shrugged, "I'm sorry I came here out of the blue. I was just hoping that you might still love me, and Phoebe was convinced that you were single. I'm sorry." He started to get up and leave.  
  
"Wait!" Joey stopped him and made him sit down again. "I-I do love you, Chandler. I still do."  
  
Chandler was confused by the sincerity in his eyes. "But what about your wife and kid? Are you happy with them? Will they be okay?"  
  
Joey confessed, "That's not my wife and kid, Chandler. You just assumed that."  
  
"Well, who are they, then?"  
  
Joey shrugged and explained, "Well, I-I was thinking about adopting Maddy."  
  
"Adopting?"  
  
"Yeah. See, Sarah's this actress I know, and her boyfriend left her when she got pregnant, and she's been trying to make ends meet by herself, but it's hard. We were talking about me maybe taking Maddy, 'cause I'm making pretty good money. She's not sure she can give up her kid for good, though, so we were trying to figure out how often she gets to visit and help out."  
  
Chandler was amazed. "You were really thinking about having a family, Joe? But you're not together with her? You don't wanna be with her?"  
  
Joey shook his head. "Nah, we're just friends. I, um, I was having trouble getting over you, Chandler. I already found Kate and tried to get serious with her, but we didn't work out. So I went back to just dating all the girls again, but then Phoebe called me when she had Frannie, and I felt like I was so pathetic, still not settling down with anybody. So I started babysitting for Sarah a lot, 'cause I like kids and it was nice having a friend to hang out with. That was it for a while. But then Phoebe called me this week and got me all anxious about settling down again. So I asked Sarah whether she'd mind it if I adopted Maddy, and she agreed to think about it. I figured, if I couldn't be married to anybody, maybe having a kid would be enough so I wouldn't be alone."  
  
Chandler hugged him and kissed him. "You won't be alone. I love you."  
  
Joey nodded and clung to his arms. "I love you too."  
  
"Do you still wanna adopt Maddy? If you do, then I'll move here and get some job in L.A. so we can be together. I just gotta fly back and visit Daniel as much as Monica lets me."  
  
Joey was touched and surprised by this offer, but he shrugged and answered, "I don't know. I didn't finish talking to Sarah, and now everything's changed. We could all talk it over I guess, after you divorce Monica."  
  
"Okay." Chandler sighed and kissed him, feeling happier than he had in over two years. 


	11. Only Human

Joey and Chandler embraced and kissed each other for several happy minutes, reveling in the sheer joy of being reunited at last. They had not even spoken to each other or shared their usual affectionate hugs for two years, so it was understandable that this separation had been harder on them than Chandler's commute to Tulsa, or the time when Joey moved out and Eddie became Chandler's roommate.  
  
Their kisses were soft and tender at first, but they gradually increased in passion. Chandler wanted to get even closer to Joey, so he got up from his own chair and tried to squeeze onto Joey's chair, ending up in his lap instead. Joey groaned eagerly and ran his hand along Chandler's thigh.  
  
Tingling with desire, Chandler closed his eyes and whispered again, "I love you."  
  
"Me too." Joey nuzzled his neck and sighed warmly. "I can't believe you're really here. It's been so long."  
  
"Too long!" Chandler kissed him fiercely and at the same time started to unbutton Joey's shirt.  
  
Joey growled in his ear, readily getting caught up in the pleasure and lust, but then his fingers roamed across Chandler's wedding ring, and he felt a pang of guilt.  
  
"No, wait," he pulled back and finally broke off their hot kisses. "No, no! We shouldn't. Stop!"  
  
"What?" Chandler was confused and hurt by his change of heart. "But I told you, I'm gonna divorce Monica."  
  
"I know, I know," Joey answered, "but you haven't told her yet, Chandler. She's at home in New York and she doesn't know anything about this yet."  
  
Chandler pouted. "But she's probably all over that Don guy right now."  
  
Joey wasn't so sure about that. "How do you know that? She's never actually cheated on you before now, has she?"  
  
Chandler shrugged cynically. "Not that I have any proof of her cheating, no."  
  
Joey frowned. Had Chandler's marriage really worsened that much in the two years since he'd been gone? "Well... well even if she did cheat on you, Chandler--even if Phoebe's somehow managed to hook them up as part of her big plan--that's not an excuse for us to do stuff. Two wrongs don't make a right."  
  
Chandler saw his point, but still ached to kiss and touch Joey everywhere. "So what are you saying? We can't be together until I'm officially divorced?"  
  
Joey shook his head. "Nah, I couldn't wait that long either. I mean, who knows how long this divorce is gonna take, with all the money and the custody to work out?" Still, he gently but firmly moved Chandler off his lap and onto another chair. "But I just think that we should at least wait until you go home and talk to Monica. You guys should both know about this divorce, you know?"  
  
Chandler sighed and reluctantly agreed with him. "Okay, I-I guess I can wait out the weekend. But do you promise that after me and Monica have started the divorce, you'll come visit me in New York and we can pick up where we left off?"  
  
Joey nodded and kissed his cheek. "Sure. I guess it'll be like when you and Janice were dating while she was divorcing Gary. But, uh, do you promise that you're not gonna, like, kiss Monica again and go back to her?"  
  
"I promise. I love you." He kissed Joey firmly to reassure him, but soon got carried away.  
  
Joey had to push him off again breathlessly. "Chandler, you're killing me here."  
  
"Sorry." It was hard to have that much willpower, when he was only human.  
  
"Well, I gotta, um--" Joey got up from his chair and looked embarrassed because of the evident bulge in his jeans.  
  
"Me too." Chandler felt so horny right now that he was tempted to pounce onto Joey again, right or wrong.  
  
Joey cleared his throat and tried to think clearly. "Um, uh, let me, uh, let me show you where the bathroom is, so you can... you know. And then I'll, I'll go to my room."  
  
"Okay."  
  
So Joey quickly directed Chandler toward his bathroom, then scurried into his bedroom and locked the door, lest Chandler be tempted to follow him inside.  
  
Joey sank onto his bed and released his erection from his jeans with a sigh. He was going commando as usual, so there was no further obstacle to relieving his lust. Joey just closed his eyes and started fantasizing about Chandler, who surely was fantasizing about him at this moment too. What a hot image that was. The only thing hotter would be if they were both here in this bed, touching and kissing again.  
  
***  
  
After the guys finished and cleaned up, they each unlocked their doors and timidly ventured out into the hallway. Joey and Chandler felt awkward and shy around each other now, and they were strongly tempted to act on their recent fantasies again. Maybe they both should have taken cold showers instead.  
  
Joey finally broke the tense silence. "Uh, so... what--what do you wanna do now?"  
  
Chandler shrugged and forced himself to think unsexy thoughts. "I-I guess we could go sit down and talk. Do you wanna eat that candy bar I bought you?"  
  
"What? Oh yeah."  
  
So they returned to the living room and sat on the couch together, taking care not to sit too close. Joey unwrapped the triangular Toblerone bar and broke off pieces of the chocolate. "Mmm, good. Man, I haven't had one of these since Ross was dating Emily, you know, and they kept bringing these back from the airport."  
  
"Yeah, I know." Chandler hadn't thought of Emily in a long time. He was reminded of the trip to London, where he had fought with Joey constantly, then wound up in bed with Monica after the rehearsal dinner. In retrospect, he wished now that he had made up with Joey instead of letting their petty squabbles ruin their trip. Perhaps then Monica could have gone out and hooked up with some English guy that night instead, and everything would be much simpler now.  
  
Joey sighed and spoke pensively, "London seems so long ago now. All these years, I got used to you and Monica being together. You moved in with her, and you married her, and now you have a kid... I still feel so guilty about all this--"  
  
"I know," Chandler interrupted, and squeezed Joey's hand. "But remember what I said before. We can't just stay together because of our kid, Joe. Not when we don't love each other anymore, and Monica's got somebody else she's meant to be with."  
  
"You think Phoebe's really right about that Don guy being her soulmate?"  
  
Chandler shrugged. "Well, I haven't really believed in soulmates in a while. Maybe since Janice said we were soulmates, but left me for Gary anyway. But from what I can remember of Don, I guess he could make Monica happy. They've got all that cheese stuff in common, and she's always liked mature guys with sophisticated tastes like Richard. Remember how cool he was when we used to hang out with him, Joe? Driving his Jaguar, smoking his cigar, and showing us how to tip guys with a handshake. Monica kept trying to nag me to be more classy and grownup all the time. I was cool with that for a while, 'cause I wanted to do anything to make her happy, but ever since you've been gone, Joe, I've started to realize that it's just not enough for me. I need to be happy too. I need to be myself."  
  
Joey frowned. "You seemed happy when you were with her. She changed you, and you were more relaxed and didn't freak out about stuff as much."  
  
"I didn't actually feel all that relaxed, Joe," Chandler said with a weary sigh. "I mean, sure, I didn't freak out about commitment anymore and I wanted to have a baby, but I was working so hard to keep her happy all the time and avoid fights. The hardest part was when she'd get too bossy sometimes and obsess about stuff. I used to think that I was good at maintaining her, but she seemed to get more neurotic every year, and she overreacted about more and more things. I had to be the one to calm her down all the time and be sensible, when I'd rather just be, I don't know, like Jack Geller, goofing off all the time and making inappropriate remarks, while my wife humors me and says I'm still sexy."  
  
"But I bet even Mr. and Mrs. Geller must fight sometimes. We just don't see it."  
  
"I know. I'm not looking for a perfect marriage where nobody ever fights, or where it's easy all the time. I just want all the effort to mean something. For it to be reciprocated. Monica used to really try in our relationship, and she used to care how I felt about things. She'd listen when I'd get all neurotic, and she'd reassure me if I was insecure. But for the past few years, she hasn't tried. It feels like I'm not even there anymore, and that I shouldn't bother having an opinion about something because she's just going to override me anyway."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Like when I moved into her apartment, and I couldn't have a game room or bring any of my stuff over. Practically all I got to bring were my barcalounger and my clothes. Then she wouldn't let the chick and the duck come over to visit anymore, claiming she had allergies. Then after we got engaged, she wouldn't let me see her wedding planning book, and even though I was paying for the whole thing, she told me to go to hell if I even wanted to discuss the budget. And even when I thought she gave me some input by picking out our wedding china together, I found out later that she'd gone back and chosen a different china pattern. I'm finding out more stuff like that all the time. Did you know that she never legally changed her name when we got married, even though she told me that she had? If she really wanted to keep her maiden name so much, why couldn't she just tell me?"  
  
Joey frowned in confusion. "I thought she said she was just using her maiden name for work."  
  
"Yeah, that's what she told me too. She also told me that at home, she was gonna be Monica Geller hyphen Bing, but that turned out to be a lie. I really don't know why she thought I wouldn't understand the truth, Joe. I just can't read her anymore, and she's become so distant lately. Ever since Monica finished maternity leave, you know, she's been all gung-ho about having it all, the career and the marriage and the baby. She's planning and organizing all the time, trying to make every little detail perfect, when it can't really be. She won't admit that she's only human. I feel like I'm getting in the way, and she tunes out anything I have to say."  
  
Stunned, Joey listened intently to Chandler's account of the past two years; since he left New York, he hadn't asked Phoebe for many details about the gang. He just assumed that Chandler would be completely happy with Monica, and that all his old friends would go on with their lives without him. Besides, Joey didn't really want to know how quickly Chandler got over him, when he himself hadn't been able to move on despite all his efforts. It was strange and bittersweet to finally learn that the Bings' marriage wasn't so perfect after all, and that Chandler had frequently pined for him.  
  
Chandler sighed sadly. "I tried so many times to get over you, Joe, but it never lasted. It wasn't even just the memory of kissing you that night on Christmas. I really missed you being around just as a friend, you know, and I kept thinking about all the fun we used to have when we were roommates. You were my best friend for so long, and I never thought I'd have to live without you. Once, I even pictured you moving in with me and Monica when we got a house in the suburbs. You'd live in an apartment over our garage with the chick and the duck, and you'd be Uncle Joey to our kids. We'd grow old together." He shrugged and realized how odd that phrase sounded. "It-it actually sounds kind of silly now. I don't know. Maybe, maybe I've always loved you without realizing it."  
  
Joey hugged him and kissed him softly again.  
  
Wiping his tears away, Chandler asked Joey what he had been doing during these past two years in L.A.  
  
"Me? Oh, nothing much really. Just making some movies, you know." He shrugged dismissively.  
  
"I don't mean your work, Joe. I mean you, your life. All the stuff that you stopped telling me or Phoebe about. Were you all right here? You mentioned something about seeing Kate again. When did that happen?"  
  
Joey frowned and looked away. "Well... well, when I first got to L.A., I spent a few months really concentrating on my career, 'cause I thought it would help me get over you, you know? But after a while it really wasn't enough, and I got lonely all the time. Besides missing you, I was so homesick 'cause none of the gang or my family were here either. It was like losing my whole world."  
  
"Oh, Joe," Chandler rubbed his arm sympathetically.  
  
Joey continued quietly, "Then I-I started going out on some dates and trying to make more Hollywood friends, but I still felt lost and out of place. See, after I fell in love with you, I wondered if that meant that I was gay or something, and I didn't know what to do about that. Anyway, even if I went out with a guy instead of a girl, it didn't help much, 'cause I kept moping about you and New York and everybody. And whenever I would call home, my family would always be telling me about somebody they knew who was getting married or having another kid, and they'd ask me why I never come back to visit, and be the kid's godfather. They even thought I might be getting a swelled head, being a movie star and all; I couldn't tell them that I was just pathetic."  
  
Chandler hugged him close and kissed him comfortingly.  
  
Joey sighed and put his head against Chandler's shoulder, just savoring the embrace in silence.  
  
"And what about Kate?" Chandler asked after a while.  
  
Taking a deep breath, Joey finally confessed, "Well, um, I ran into Kate at a movie audition last year, and we started talking and stuff. It was really nice for a while. She wasn't snobby anymore, and she was still as pretty and smart as I remembered. I thought I was finally gonna get over you. So I started going out with her, and we were doing okay for a few months, but then it got... bad."  
  
"Bad?"  
  
Joey nodded and wasn't sure how to explain. "Bad, and weird. Um, I-I tried really hard to be all serious and committed to her, but..." he hesitated again, "after a while, being with her just kept reminding me of when I first met her, back in New York. You know, when you were still living with me, and I was in that play, and you had that goatee for a while. Then we got the chick and the duck, and we'd give them baths and fight about them, remember? And you'd try to get my mind off Kate, and play foosball with me and stuff. I just missed you so much, Chandler." He closed his eyes and choked up a little. "I kept--I kept wishing, and thinking about what might've happened with you and me. If we'd just kissed, if London hadn't happened, if we'd gone on that road trip to Vegas, without the rest of them..."  
  
Joey couldn't go on, and Chandler held him tighter, feeling remorseful too about all their missed opportunities over the years.  
  
"Then, um, Kate noticed that something was going on with me, 'cause I was distracted and sad all the time. She tried to talk to me, and I ended up telling her that we'd changed too much over the years, that I was a different guy than I was when we first met, that I was in love with somebody else and wasn't over him."  
  
Chandler gasped in shock. "You told her about me?"  
  
Joey nodded and shrugged apologetically. "Yeah. I guess I could have told her it was Rachel I was thinking about, but I wasn't thinking that well at the time. It just slipped out, and suddenly I was telling her about how you were married and had a kid, and I had to leave New York 'cause I couldn't take seeing you all happy and knowing that I couldn't be a part of that. Kate was really shocked, but she tried to be nice to me and give me some advice; I just wanted to be alone, though. Anyway, we broke up, and she left. Then I got so frustrated and mad at myself that I couldn't get over you, that I'd ruined things with Kate instead of trying harder. I mean, what was I gonna do, be alone for the rest of my life? I got really depressed, so I went and had all these meaningless one-night stands for a while, trying not to think about you anymore. Then Phoebe had her baby and called me from the hospital, and it all started up again, you know? And well, I already told you how me and Sarah became friends and I started helping her out and babysitting Maddy. I just didn't want to feel so alone anymore."  
  
Chandler hated to hear that Joey had suffered so much, and he tried to make up for it with many tender kisses and murmurs of "I love you."  
  
Joey responded just as warmly for a while, until he realized that they were passionately making out on the couch. "Wait, wait!" He pulled away again and stopped them from getting carried away. "Not yet."  
  
Chandler caught his breath and blinked in a daze. "Oh. Right. I'm--I'm sorry."  
  
"It's okay. Um, maybe, maybe we shouldn't be alone right now. Uh, you wanna go for a walk or something? Or maybe we can go talk to Sarah?"  
  
"Sure, okay. We could, we could even go out sightseeing in Hollywood."  
  
"Right. Let's go." They put on their coats and left the apartment.  
  
[Next chapter, we'll find out what Monica's doing in New York, and whether Phoebe's plan is working.] 


	12. Monica's Date

**Remember, this story began as an alternate season 10, and over two years have passed, so it is now about February/March in what would have been season 12. Re-read the story for any other plot details.**

**I have decided to make David's last name Frink, after Professor John Frink, a character on _The Simpsons_ voiced by Hank Azaria. Phoebe's name is now Phoebe Buffay Frink, so she finally has a middle name.**

On Friday evening, while her husband Chandler was visiting Joey in L.A., Monica brought her son Daniel over to Phoebe and David's apartment. (Since Monica still claimed to be allergic to the chick and the duck, Phoebe herded them into the other room right after she buzzed Monica into the building.)

"Thanks for babysitting, Pheebs." She handed over the toddler and a bag of his favorite toys and stuff.

"No problem. Why should Chandler have all the fun? You deserve a night out too."

Monica smiled. "Yeah, you know, I'm really looking forward to it. I've been working too many hours lately and I need a break."

"Sure!" Phoebe encouraged her. "You're only human. Let your hair hang down tonight! Get drunk! Woo-hoo!" She loved drunk Monica.

Monica laughed and shook her head. "I won't go that far. It's just a friendly dinner, not a bachelorette party! Anyway, thanks for convincing Chandler to go visit Joey. Are you sure he doesn't suspect anything?" She really didn't want Chandler to get jealous and paranoid, like he did over Richard.

"Of course not. I promise. All he's thinking about right now is Joey." Phoebe wondered whether they were still arguing about that "home wrecker" business, or having sex already. She hoped that Chandler would call her back and report to her soon about his progress.

"All right, but if he somehow finds out, then you are taking the blame for this, because you talked me into it."

"Fine, fine!" Phoebe pushed her toward the door. "Now go have fun, Monica."

"All right. See you later." Monica gave her son a kiss goodbye, then left for her secret dinner with Don, the gourmet cheese importer.

After closing the door, Phoebe smiled and sat down with Danny. "Hey, Danny! Remember your aunt Phoebe? Can you say Phoebe? Phoebe?"

Danny could only manage, "Fee-fee," so Phoebe put on a French accent and pretended that her name was Fifi. "Oui, monsieur. You can tell that I was French in a past life, uh-huh?"

Danny laughed at her strange voice, then Phoebe went to let the chick and the duck out of the other room. Soon they all made funny sounds and played together in the living room, while Phoebe periodically glanced at the clock.

Waiting was the hardest part of her puppet master plan. Phoebe didn't like being uninvolved in the action and not knowing what was happening. In trying to fix her friends' romantic problems, she felt that she should have more direct control over her friends' actions, but Phoebe knew that there were limits to her influence, and sometimes people acted stupidly or stubbornly despite her best advice, like Ross and Rachel had done for so many years. Phoebe herself had acted stupidly when she dumped David for Mike for a while, but luckily, she had realized her mistake and corrected it; therefore she had faith that destiny would also make things right for Joey and Chandler and Monica and Don, no matter how long it might take.

While she was babysitting, Phoebe's husband David came home with their baby Frannie. "Hey, sweetie!" She kissed him, then took her daughter while he took off his coat.

Then he said hello to their guest for the evening. "Oh, Danny, you're getting to be a big boy, now!"

Phoebe started making dinner in the kitchen, while David attempted to get Danny to interact with Frannie, but the children were too far apart in age and didn't really get along. After a noisy and tumultuous dinner, the Frinks finally decided that it was best to keep the kids separated for the sake of tranquility.

So David took Frannie into her bedroom to read her a bedtime story, while Phoebe remained in the living room with Danny and the birds.

Then the phone rang, and Phoebe answered it, hearing Monica's voice on the other end. Finally, she'd get a progress report.

"Hi, Mon! Oh yeah, Danny's doing fine. I mean, Daniel." She rolled her eyes and hoped that finding true love would counteract Monica's anal and controlling nature. "So, you wanna say hello to him? Okay, Danny, talk to your mommy." She held the phone toward the toddler.

After some cute incoherent babbling, the boy said bye to his mommy and went back to playing with the pet birds. Phoebe put the phone back to her ear and asked Monica, "Anyway, how was your dinner with Don? Oh, you're still at the restaurant?" She grinned and took on a gossipy tone, "So, is he still hot, Mon? Ooh! Yeah, don't you just love his British accent?"

David, who had just come back to the living room after putting Frannie down in her crib, was rather confused and concerned by what he overheard.

Phoebe giggled and chatted blithely, "See! Didn't I tell you that you'd have fun with him? Sure, go ahead! Stay out with him longer. We can handle Danny. Okay, bye!"

After she hung up, David coughed behind her. "Uh, Phoebe?"

She turned and smiled at her husband. "Hey, honey. So Frannie got to sleep all right?"

David nodded and sat down with her on the couch. "Uh, Phoebe, did you, did you just tell Monica to, uh, to stay out longer with some hot British guy?"

"Yeah, I did. That's Don. Remember? That's why we had to babysit for her tonight. They're having dinner."

"I know, but you told me that it was some kind of business dinner, honey. Butbut the way you were talking just now... I mean, what about her husband Chandler? He's out of town now, and I don't think he's going to like hearing about this when he comes back."

"Oh no, that's where you're wrong, David. Chandler already knows all about Monica having dinner with Don."

"Yeah, but for business"

"No, for a date. He knows all about it." She put a finger to her lips and hushed him.  
"But don't tell Monica, though. She's not supposed to know yet!"

David became even more perplexed. "But honey, I don't understand. They're married. You're not supposed to, you know, go out on dates with other people when you're married." He took her hand and looked worried. Surely, despite her highly unorthodox life, Phoebe understood the basic rules of monogamy?

"Oh, I know that, honey. I'm not seeing anybody else," she reassured him with a kiss. "But see, it's different with Monica and Don. It's all right because he's her soulmate! They're meant to be together."

David's eyebrows furrowed. "I thought Chandler was Monica's soulmate."

"No!" She waved her hand dismissively. "No, he's just a temporary substitute guy, likelike Mike was for me."

David grimaced automatically at the name of his one-time rival for Phoebe's love; Phoebe hadn't mentioned Mike in a long time.

Phoebe kissed him sweetly and explained, "Look, remember how stupid I was over Mike? I thought that playing it safe with Mike was better than taking a risk with you again. But I should have just trusted my heart and known how much I love you, David. Well, with Monica, it's the same thing. She got tired of waiting for the perfect guy to have a family with, so after they hooked up for sex, she convinced herself that she loved Chandlera nice safe guy with some neurotic problems that she could fix. Then they lived together and got married and had a baby. But it won't work out between them. It can't. I mean, I even wrote a whole book years ago, on all the flaws in their relationship, if you wanna see it. I just have to find"

"No, no, nevermind." David still struggled to see her point. "So you're saying that they're not soulmates? That Monica belongs with this Don guy? But what about Chandler?"

"He has a soulmate too. That's why I sent him to L.A., so they could hook up."

"But I thought he was just visiting Joey?"

"He is, and then they'll hook up, and he'll convince Joey to come home, and then everybody can be happy. Voila."

"Chandler and Joey?" David stared at her in disbelief. "But they're not gay."

She laughed. "Gay, bi, whateverthey're in love."

"In love? No, they're just friends." At least, that was what David knew of them from his acquaintance with Phoebe's circle. "Um, honey, is this another one of your psychic visions?" He tried not to look skeptical, but he was a scientist after all.

Phoebe rolled her eyes. "Just listen, you Scientist Guy, you!" She then told her husband all about Chandler's confession the other day, that he had kissed Joey, and that Joey had moved to L.A. to prevent breaking up Chandler's family.

David was quite shocked, having never suspected it. "Butyou mean all this time...?"

"Yes! So, anyway, Chandler needed some help figuring out how to end things with Monica and how to get Joey back. He thought he had waited too long already, but I showed him how to fix it all." Phoebe quickly explained her puppetmaster plan to him. "Then Monica ends up with Don, and Chandler with Joey. Everything works out perfectly."

David was not so confident about the plan, though. "Wait, Phoebe, are you sure you want to break up a family like this? What if Joey doesn't love Chandler anymore? What if Monica doesn't love this Don guy? And what about Danny?"

"He'll be fine. They'll work out some kind of joint custody arrangement. Besides, Chandler said that he was going to divorce Monica anyway, whether or not Joey loves him. He can't take it anymore, hiding his feelings and staying married just for Danny's sake. That would be like Carol staying with Ross just for Ben's sake. It's wrong and would only make things worse. Families should stay together only for real love, not just for the kid."

"But still, it's risky to interfere"

"I know what I'm doing, David! Monica will be much happier with her soulmate Don. They're meant to be together."

"How do you know?" He was getting frustrated.

"Because I do. Honey, I know you weren't here for most of it, but trust me, Monica has changed a lot since she and Chandler got together, and mostly it's been for the worse. She wasn't nearly as uptight and shrill and loud as she is now. And she's so concerned with appearances lately, making sure that things seem perfect, that she doesn't relax as much or even go out and get drunk. Deep down, she's unhappy and knows that Chandler's not the one for her. I just need to nudge her until she _knows_ that she knows it."

David remained unconvinced, but Phoebe insisted, getting up and telling him that she would find one of the books that she had written years ago about Marsha and Chester's flawed relationship. David reluctantly agreed to read it, but he glanced Danny with fear and doubt about the consequences of this divorce on the boy.

At nearly 10 o'clock that night, Monica finally arrived to pick up Danny. The children, the birds, and David had gone to bed already, but Phoebe had stayed awake by the telephone, impatiently awaiting news from either Chandler or Monica.

Phoebe buzzed Monica into the building and soon opened the apartment door with an eager smile. "Hi. How was dinner?"

"Uh, fine. I-I'm sorry I was late." Monica seemed distracted and subdued. "Can I get Daniel now?"

Phoebe shushed her and herded Monica toward the couch instead. "In a minute. He's asleep in the other room. Before we go wake him up, tell me how the rest of your date went."

"It-it wasn't a date." Monica avoided Phoebe's eyes. "It was just dinner."

"Um, yeah, that's what I meant. So how was it?"

"Fine. Uh, how was Daniel tonight? Did he eat your tofu vegetarian stuff or throw it?"

"Both." Phoebe looked at her suspiciously. "What happened?"

"Nothing! Nothing happened." Monica was jumpy and defensive.

"Come on, what's wrong? You were all happy and relaxed before. Something happened."

"Nothing. We just had dinner, and we talked, and then we said goodnight. That's it."

"Okay."

Fidgeting under Phoebe's stare, Monica got up and turned to go get her son, but Phoebe followed and pestered her, "Are you gonna see him again?"

"No!" Monica halted and seemed alarmed by that idea. "No, why would I see him again?"

Phoebe shrugged and spoke casually, "Well, 'cause you have the whole weekend free with Chandler in L.A. You could go out again, and he'd never find out."

Monica glared at her, and started to get suspicious about Phoebe's motives. "This was your idea." She blinked and frowned at the memory. "He saidwe were talking about youand Don said that you had a psychic premonition that we'd make some big business deal about Javu's and become very successful."

"Oh yeah. So did you guys make the deal?"

Monica didn't answer that. "Why didn't you tell me that you had that premonition, if it was so important?"

Phoebe skirted the question. "'Cause my vision said that Don would tell you, not me."

"And Don didn't call you first; you called him."

"Uh-huh. Because of my vision. Keep up, Monica."

Monica grew frustrated with her. "Why did you do this! Did you know?" she accused.

"Know what?"

"Did you see it happen!"

Phoebe said nothing, but bluffed with a knowing smile.

Monica wavered about whether she believed in Phoebe's psychic abilities, and how much she might know or guess. Finally she broke down and started to cry. "I-I kissed him."

"Oh, Mon!" Phoebe was quite pleased, but quickly covered her smile as she walked over to Monica. Then Phoebe hugged her and led her back to the couch soothingly. "It's okay. Let it out."

"I-I didn't mean to!" Monica struggled through her tears and guilt. "I didn't!"

"I know, honey." Phoebe patted her head. "But you're only human."

"It was just dinner! It was just" She sobbed, and it was quite some time before she could confess what had happened between the dinner and the kiss.

_They had a lively conversation over dinner, critiquing various upscale restaurants in New York and catching up on each other's lives for the past four years. Don was surprised to learn that Phoebe was married and had a baby, which she had not mentioned on the phone at all._

_"How odd. Perhaps she was too intent on convincing me of her premonition."_

_"What?"_

_Don told her about Phoebe's premonition, then shrugged and chuckled skeptically. "But all the same, I'm delighted for the excuse to see you again, and to hear about all your good fortune. You'll be buying a house next, I suppose?" He joked, "Not one made of cheese, of course?"_

_"No, Chandler hates stinky cheese."_

_"Oh, of course. Such a pity." Speaking of cheese, Don raved about an exquisite new shipment from France that had arrived at his warehouse, and he invited Monica to come sample it. She gladly accepted his offer, then excused herself to call Phoebe and check in on Daniel. Meanwhile Don paid the bill, and they left the restaurant together._

_At the warehouse, Don took her on a tour through many rows of strong-smelling cheese, enough to make a connoisseur swoon._

_"All the best things come from France!" Monica exclaimed. "Oh, wouldn't you just love to lose yourself for hours here?"_

_Don nodded and smiled. "It's the closest I'll ever come to living in a house of cheese!"_

_They laughed and chatted enthusiastically about the wonderful food and culture of France. Monica said that she'd always wanted to live in Paris for a year and study French cooking, but Don said that she had no need to learn anything, being an accomplished chef already._

_She was quite flattered, and Don continued, "Still, if you should like to take a holiday there sometime, you could borrow my villa and tour the countryside where all the best wines and cheeses are made."_

_"Oh, that would be wonderful! Is it beautiful there?"_

_"It's exquisite. I wish I could stay there more often, but business calls me here."_

_Finally they strolled into his office, where he had a special sample of cheese set aside, along with a bottle of wine. Finding two glasses and taking out a knife, Don cut a few slices from the wedge and poured a little wine to wash down the cheese._

_Sitting on his desk, they toasted to "renewing old acquaintances," then ate the cheese. Don remarked appreciatively, "Doesn't that just melt in your mouth? It goes excellently with this wine too."_

_"Mmm." Monica agreed and savored the flavor. "It's incredible."_

_"It's a shame that your husband doesn't share your tastes, or I'd give you some to take home with you."_

_Monica sighed. "His idea of good cheese is macaroni and cheese with cut up hot dogs."_

_Don grimaced. "Does he make you cook that for him? What a waste!"_

_She shrugged. "I still try to sneak in some fine cuisine, when I have the time to make itwhat with the baby and the restaurant."_

_"Of course." He looked sympathetic. "You certainly do have a lot of demands on your time. But that's as it should be. Ever since I first tasted your cooking at Allesandro's, Monica, I recognized that you had enormous talent. I always knew you'd be a top chef at a top restaurant some day, and now you are. I'm very happy for you. You deserve it all and more."_

_She blushed and looked shy. "Thank you."_

_"I'm glad that you found a little time to see me again tonight. It's been much too long." He reached over to touch her hand._

_"It has." Monica looked up from their hands to his face, and both fell silent as they smiled at each other. Gazing into his eyes and getting caught up in the romantic moment, she impulsively leaned close and kissed him._

_Abruptly breaking it off, Don stammered and nearly tripped over his desk as he backed away. "I-IMonica, I didn't mean" He gulped and looked appalled. "You're married, and you have a son"_

_Shocked at her behavior, she gasped and felt ashamed. "I-I know! I'm sorry. Oh God!" How could she forget her own husband and child?_

_"No, it's, it's my fault!" he protested. "I-I was flirting too much. But I-I only meant us to be friends, I swear..."_

_They both continued apologizing to each other and cleaning up after the wine and cheese. Then he locked his office up and hurriedly led her out of the warehouse. At her car, they exchanged awkward goodbyes and more embarrassed apologies before she drove away._

"I didn't mean to!" she repeated as she sobbed in Phoebe's arms. "It was just, something about the momentthe darkened office, the wine, the way we had been talking about France... I forgot myself. It felt like a date, and I just"

"Well, he is very hot and irresistible," Phoebe said, unhelpfully. "I like older men, don't you?"

Monica continued to cry. "Oh my God, Phoebe, what's wrong with me? I'm horrible! Horrible!"

Phoebe hugged her closer and patted her back again. "It's okay, Monica. You can't help it. You're just falling in love with your soulmate."

"He's not my soulmate!" Monica found it quite inappropriate for Phoebe to bring up that old nickname at a time like this. "Stop calling him that!"

"But he is, Monica! You might not believe it yet, but it's your destiny. That's why I set up this dinner for you guys."

"What?" Upset, Monica suddenly pulled away and glared at her. "Youyou planned this!"

Phoebe nodded as if it sounded perfectly logical. "Yeah, so you guys could fall in love and be together. And don't worry about Chandler, either. He wants a divorce too, but he was just afraid of telling you about it. See, he's in love with Joey."

"What!" Monica stood up and shouted furiously.

In Los Angeles, it was only 7:30 that night, and Joey and Chandler were having dinner at his apartment when the telephone rang. It was Monica, mad as hell and yelling at them for being gay and cheating on her. Clearly, she'd just found out about them from Phoebe.

Chandler tried to apologize and explain everything in between Monica's outbursts. "I'm sorry! I didn't want to lie to you. I was going to tell you when I got home tomorrow that I want a divorce."

"You bastard! And you cooked up some scheme with Phoebe to make me cheat first?"

"I didn't mean it like that! Phoebe said that you'd love him and be happy. Then maybe you and me could divorce amicably."

Monica scoffed. "You just want to get out of your guilt for leaving me! Well, guess what, I'm leaving you now! Don't bother coming back from L.A., Chandler! I'm tossing out all your stuff and getting a lawyer first thing in the morning! You'll never see Daniel again!"

"Monica!" Joey tried to protest, but she hung up on them.

They sighed heavily, utterly demoralized by the fight. What a disaster this was! And yet, somehow Chandler wasn't really surprised, because he had a feeling that Phoebe's plan wouldn't work out so neatly.

Joey finally broke the uncomfortable silence and hugged him. "You okay?"

Chandler shrugged. "I guess so. I mean, it's almost a relief to have finally told her now."

Joey was worried. "What are you gonna do about your kid? You think she meant that?"

"I-I guess I'll have to cut my trip short and go home tomorrow morning. You know, try to find myself a good lawyer quickly so I can fight for custody or visitation rights."

"Yeah." Joey felt sad and guilty about being a home wrecker again. "Should I come with you?"

Chandler thought about it, then shook his head. "I don't know. It might not help, and you already promised to watch Maddy for Sarah, right?"

Joey nodded, but he didn't want to say goodbye to Chandler yet. They'd only been together for one afternoon and evening, not even a full day.

Chandler continued, "I guess Phoebe can help me out with the divorce and finding a place to stay. Although, I should probably talk with her about why on earth she suddenly had to spill the beans to Monica like that." He got up from the table and started to clear away the dishes.

Joey helped him, and they washed up in the kitchen, letting the ordinary chore be a welcome distraction from their troubles.

After a while, Chandler finally murmured pensively, "Joey, if I don't win custody"

"Don't say that!" Joey didn't want him to imagine such a scenario.

"But if I don't..." He winced and struggled to finish the thought. "If I lose Danny, then at least wewe could adopt Maddy, right?"

Joey fidgeted. "Um, yeah. If you want to." But would this adoption really cheer him up and fill the void after losing his son? Would Chandler be sad and come to resent Joey? So he spoke cautiously, "But, uh, we don't know if Sarah really wants to give Maddy up yet."

"Oh, right." Chandler continued quietly, trying to sound hopeful, "But wewe could ask Phoebe to give us the chick and the duck back, you know. We'll all live together again, and it'llit'll be like old times." His voice cracked, and he tried to hide his tears.

Joey held him again and kissed him. "I'm sorry."

"I know." Chandler kissed him back and returned the embrace. They stood close together, wordlessly crying and kissing each other comfortingly for several minutes. Then Chandler wiped away his tears and swallowed, whispering, "Joey, can I stay here with you tonight?"

Joey hesitated and backed away. "Are you sure? What about your hotel room?"

Chandler clung to him. "Please, Joe. I mean, wewe were only going to postpone sex until I told Monica about the divorce. Well, I've told her now." He looked into Joey's eyes imploringly. "And I have to go home tomorrow and deal with all of this... Please. I need you tonight."

"Okay." Joey gave in with a tender kiss. They turned out the light in the living room, then he led Chandler by the hand to his bedroom.

**If you want sex, I'll post a more explicit version of the next chapter at Forever Fandom.**


	13. Night and Day

**As I said before, the love scenes between Joey and Chandler will be posted at Forever Fandom, but not here, due to the restrictions against sexually explicit material**.

In New York, Monica's shouting over the phone had woken up David, the kids, and the birds. David put on his glasses and realized that Monica must have found out about Joey and Chandler. He got up and attempted to soothe the children, but he could still hear Phoebe and Monica arguing heatedly in the living room.

Phoebe said, "Monica, don't blame Chandler. It was my plan--"

"Yeah, your plan!" Monica turned on her with outrage. "How could you do that to me, Phoebe! You're supposed to be my friend!"

"I am! I was just trying to help you--"

"Help me? You betrayed me! You tricked me into letting Chandler go to L.A., and you set me up with Don! You broke up my family, you--you home wrecker!"

"But I--"

"Just leave me alone!" Monica pushed her aside and started toward the bedroom where she could hear Daniel crying. "I'm getting my son and leaving!"

In response, David picked up the little boy and came out of the room, handing him to Monica.

"Oh!" She clutched him close to her and sobbed miserably.

Phoebe attempted to approach Monica again, but David stopped her and quickly suggested, "Honey, can you go in and calm down Frannie?"

"But--"

"Please? And the birds too." His face told her that he wanted to try talking to Monica himself, so Phoebe gave in.

"All right."

"Thanks." After Phoebe had shut the door behind her, David cautiously turned to Monica and murmured, "Um, do you, do you want to sit down a moment? You're in no shape to drive right now."

Seeing his point, Monica followed him back to the couch, where she sat huddling with Daniel on her lap. She wanted to rock him back to sleep, but he was growing ever more agitated by his mommy's tears.

David handed her some tissues and offered, "I-I can drive you both home, if you want. I just need to pack up Danny's stuff first, you know?"

She swallowed and nodded.

So he got up and gathered up the toys that had been left in the living room, before going into the bedroom to retrieve Daniel's blanket and overnight bag. He whispered to Phoebe, "I'm gonna drive them home, and then probably call her brother to come stay the night. I'll have to explain everything to him too, so I don't know how long I'll be. Don't wait up."

"Okay. Goodnight." She kissed him lightly, and held their baby up for him to kiss too.

Then David returned to the living room and helped Monica get up and grab her purse. He got out her car keys, and closed the door as they left the apartment.

She still looked very upset as he escorted her downstairs, and he wondered whether he should risk hugging her.

"I know I don't know you that well..." he began, putting a comforting hand on her shoulder.

Monica felt lonely and vulnerable enough that she allowed the embrace, putting her head against his shoulder while she still cradled her young son.

David patted her back soothingly. "I'm so sorry, Monica. Truly sorry. I-I would have tried to talk Phoebe out of her scheme, but I didn't even find out about it until you were already on the date, and Chandler was with Joey."

Monica moaned miserably, "Why would she do this?"

David sighed and shrugged. "She--she meant well. It's one of Phoebe's psychic intuitions, I suppose, that this was all destined to happen somehow. After Chandler confessed to her about Joey the other day, she devised a plan to reunite them and to fix you up with that British guy at the same time. So you see, in her way, she was trying to help, but she just became so enamored with her plan that she couldn't see how devastated you'd be. I'm very sorry, Monica, and I'm sure she is too, now that she realizes the results of her manipulation."

"If she's psychic, she should have known!" Monica complained.

David nodded sadly and shifted the bag on his shoulders. As they arrived at the Porsche, he unlocked the doors and helped her secure Daniel into the baby seat in the back. Then he drove them to Greenwich Village while Monica still sobbed miserably. Once they parked and unstrapped Daniel, they decided to go ahead and cross the street to Ross and Rachel's apartment.

Ross and Rachel were stunned to see Monica so upset, and after they heard what had happened, they certainly welcomed her to stay the night with them.

"Oh my God!" Rachel hugged Monica and took hold of Daniel.

Ross was even more furious because Chandler was away in L.A. now instead of handling this mess face to face. "That bastard!"

David stayed long enough to help explain the details and to try to smooth things over, so that the friends would know that Phoebe was not actually evil and coldhearted, just misguided and stubborn. Then he said goodnight and caught a cab for home.

---

Meanwhile, in Joey's bedroom in L.A., he and Chandler were kissing and moving toward the bed. Joey still felt somewhat guilty about doing this now, in light of Monica's enraged phone call, but Chandler kissed away his hesitation and murmured that he needed this comfort to get him through his divorce.

So Joey pulled him closer and gave in to the passion...

The next morning, Joey woke up first and turned to look at Chandler lying next to him. He was amazed that he wasn't just dreaming again, and that Chandler was really here. One short day ago, Joey had woken alone in this bed, convinced that he would never be with Chandler outside of his wishful fantasies, and that he should do his best to forget those fantasies anyway.

Now everything had changed. Now Joey wasn't just mourning what might have been between them and what could never be. Now Chandler had come to L.A. for him, and now they were lovers.

Of course, Joey still felt guilty about Monica and their son, but that didn't diminish the wonder of actually having Chandler here in his bed. Joey wasn't alone in this misery anymore, and Chandler really loved him too. Joey lay close and just watched him sleeping, letting it ease the pain of the past two years of despair and loneliness.

Finally, Chandler woke up and started rubbing his eyes. "Joe--"

Joey hugged him tightly and whispered, "I missed you. I missed you so bad."

Chandler returned the embrace and tenderly stroked Joey's hair. "I missed you too."

Joey cried a little. "I wish--I wish you didn't have to go home so soon. You just got here."

"I know," Chandler answered. "But I gotta go." He sighed sadly. "Thank you for last night, Joe. It was--it was special, you know?"

"Yeah." Joey still clung to him.

Chandler kissed him and said, "Don't worry. We can still call each other, Joe, and you can come visit me next weekend, right?

"Yeah."

"Okay. So I'll see you then."

He finally got Joey to let go of him, and then he got up to shower and get dressed. Joey offered to take Chandler to the airport.

"Well, I have to pick up my bags that I left at the hotel first."

"Okay." Joey put on a robe and began changing the bed sheets.

After Chandler came out of the bathroom, Joey showed him an old photo that he kept of them on the nightstand. It was from when they were roommates, happy and hugging as always. He whispered sadly, "Sometimes, when I was trying to forget about you, I'd hide it away somewhere, you know, but--but I still couldn't get over you, so I took it out again."

Chandler hugged him. "I couldn't get over you either, Joe. I'd think about you on Christmas and your birthday, trying to tell myself to move on. But I couldn't, and these past couple of months since Phoebe called you from the hospital, I wished I could get up the courage to call you too." He kissed Joey and gave him another picture of them, from Joey's birthday party two years ago.

"I love you."

"Love you too."

Over breakfast, Chandler called the airline to check if he could exchange his return ticket for an earlier flight. Then he and Joey picked up Chandler's bags from the hotel and checked him out, before heading to the airport.

At the gate, faced with the reality of Chandler leaving again, Joey got really upset and wanted to go with Chandler back to New York.

"No, you should stay here. Take care of Maddy and talk to Sarah some more. You'll visit me in a week anyway."

"But you'll need somebody to protect you. Ross will wanna kick your ass."

"Are you kidding? Monica's the freakishly strong one!" He tried to laugh at his feeble joke, but failed. He reassured Joey, "Well, I'll ask Phoebe to shield me, I guess. She owes me for spilling the whole plan to Monica."

Joey tried not to worry. "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too." He kissed Joey again, then grabbed his bags and boarded the plane.

After Joey watched him disappear down the walkway, he turned and noticed that some other people at the gate were staring and whispering about their kiss. Was Joey being paranoid? He tried to ignore it and just look out the window, watching for Chandler's plane to leave, but many questions nagged at him.

Was Joey famous enough yet that people would recognize him from movies and TV, or were the gawkers just sheltered or homophobic people who were not used to seeing gay kisses in public? Also, how likely would it be that someone with a camera might have snapped a picture of them kissing? Would that someone think to sell it to tabloids? Should he call his agent and ask him how to diffuse any possible rumors that might arise? Should he deny it and say it was a case of mistaken identity? Or say that the kiss was merely friendly and taken out of context? Or not respond at all?

Joey got anxious and headed home. Besides, he also had to talk things over with Sarah, even though neither of them were really sure about going through with the adoption.

---

Meanwhile, Chandler flew home, and called Phoebe to tell her that he was coming back early. Phoebe asked if he and Joey had worked things out, then agreed to pick him up from the airport and fill him in about Monica.

As they drove back to Manhattan in her grandma's taxicab, Phoebe apologized for spilling the plan too soon, but she had been excited about Monica confessing that she'd kissed Don. "She was feeling all guilty about it, and I was trying to convince her again that Don's her soulmate. Then I told her about you and Joey being soulmates, and she got really mad."

"I'm not surprised."

"Anyway, so that's when she called you guys and ripped into you. I tried to calm her down after she hung up on you, but she was furious at me too. So David talked to her some and drove her and Danny home. They went to Ross and Rachel's place and told them what happened too."

"And they wanna kick my ass, don't they?"

"Yeah. They're still kinda pissed at me, but David tried to apologize for me. Monica's still ranting that if I'm so psychic, I should have seen how bad this would turn out."

"Well, she does have a point--"

"Hey, don't you start on me too! I'm the only friend you've got left right now." Phoebe sighed and tried to calm down. "Look, I'm sorry, okay? Sometimes I'm not so accurate with certain predictions. That's why I go to see a psychic too. I was just really confident about this plan and thought it would work. I mean, it did work with you and Joey getting together, right?"

Chandler nodded. "Yeah, well, just try to be more careful, and help me deal with this divorce, all right? I don't want to lose custody of Daniel."

"I know. But the good thing is that today's Saturday, so Monica can't really go through with her threat to get a lawyer and cut you out until Monday. You've got some time to catch up and get a lawyer too."

"Right." He tried to look on the bright side. "So where am I gonna stay now? Has Monica thrown out all my stuff from the apartment yet?"

"Well, she probably got a late start on it, because she stayed at Ross and Rachel's last night. You can leave your bags with me and David for now, but we'll have find you somewhere else soon, since we're already crowded with our new baby and the chick and duck. I'll ask if David has some scientist friends you can stay with, or something."

"Okay."

After they arrived at Phoebe and David's apartment, she told Chandler that he better change into new clothes, because wearing his clothes from Friday was going to give off too big a clue that he had slept with Joey. He blushed, and changed in the bathroom while Phoebe asked David if he'd heard from Monica, Ross, and Rachel yet. In a way, David was becoming a sort of informal liaison, since they considered him neutral.

David said that they had got Emma's nanny to agree to watch both kids while the adults went over to Monica's apartment to discuss the divorce further and pack up Chandler's stuff.

Chandler decided that he wanted to go over and try to apologize face to face, and Phoebe agreed to go with him while David stayed with Frannie and the birds.

At Monica's apartment, Chandler and Phoebe opened the door to find their former friends taking out their hostility on his belongings. Before Chandler could try to apologize, Rachel berated him about how he could abandon his wife and kid like this, and Ross angrily asked where Joey was.

"He's still in L.A.--"

"Oh, so he's too chicken to come and face what he's done to Monica? He doesn't care about who he's hurting!"

"Hey, Joey tried to fight this!" Chandler said. "He even moved all the damn way to L.A. and stopped talking to all of us for two years, because he was so scared of wrecking everything. He told me that I belonged here, and I should just forget about our kiss! He tried to get over me and even adopt a kid, but--"

"So it's your fault then! You're the selfish bastard!"

They kept arguing, and Ross even tried to hit him, but Chandler dodged timidly.

Meanwhile, Monica was very pissed off at Phoebe because this morning, Don had sent Monica some flowers with a card apologizing for kissing her last night. "You told him to do this, didn't you? It's part of your stupid plan! I can't believe you still have the nerve to try to fix me up!"

Phoebe protested, "No, I didn't tell him anything! I didn't! I haven't spoken to Don since I first set up the date. Ask him yourself!" She also got out her cellphone and showed Monica the call history. "See, there's his number. Only two calls made to him, days ago, to set up your dinner. Nothing since then."

Monica was confused, but decided to go into her bedroom to call Don and make sure that Phoebe hadn't called him using another phone, like her home phone. Phoebe remained in the living room to help defend Chandler.

Don answered the phone, and Monica told him that she got the flowers he sent her. He was glad and desperately apologized again about the kiss. When she interrupted him to ask whether Phoebe had put him up to sending the flowers, he was confused.

"No, I-I didn't talk to her. I was too ashamed that I'd done something so disgraceful with her good friend, and you were probably telling her all about it anyway. Monica, I-I really don't know what came over me last night. I swear that I don't go around coming onto married women. I just forgot myself somehow with you, and I'm very sorry. I feel so wretched. Look, if--if you want me to, I'll apologize to your husband and let him hit me when he gets back. Or would you rather pretend that nothing happened and never speak to me again?"

Monica said bitterly, "It doesn't matter. Chandler already knew all along, and it was all part of his big plan. He's gay and leaving me!"

"Wh-what?" Don stammered in shock. He had no idea that Chandler was gay, let alone that he had some elaborate plan to leave her. Don quickly offered Monica his sympathy and said that Chandler would have to be gay, to not appreciate a wife like Monica.

Monica was suspicious, asking if Phoebe had told him about her plan.

"Phoebe's plan? But I thought you said it was Chandler's plan?"

"It was Phoebe and him together, trying to set me up! They say that they thought I would be happy with you and accept the divorce, but I bet they just wanted me to cheat, so they could blame me and Chandler could get custody of our son!"

"Oh my God!" Don was horrified and couldn't believe that a sweet person like Phoebe would be so scheming and dastardly. "Phoebe's clearly changed a lot in the last few years!"

Monica was surprised by Don's reaction, and asked again, "You really didn't know about it?"

"No! No, not at all." Don admitted that he briefly suspected something odd was going on, but Phoebe had told him it was because of her psychic vision that they would make a profitable business deal. "Monica, please believe me, if I had known they were planning something nefarious, I would never have agreed to be a party to it. I'm--I'm so sorry I didn't press Phoebe further. I was such a fool to let her use me like that!"

Monica started to trust Don because he sounded so sincere and regretful. She confided in him some more, telling him that Chandler had just come home early, and Phoebe had brought him to apologize.

"Oh, is that what that row is? I didn't know if I was hearing correctly over the phone."

She told him that Ross and Rachel were here too, and that they were helping her through the divorce. Don offered to lend any help he could as well. "Would you need me to testify at a divorce hearing that you were innocent in our kiss? I would certainly do that."

Monica thanked him, but said that she didn't think Chandler would have the gall to bring up the kiss in court, what with him running off to see Joey. "But I'll let you know."

"Okay. And this is certainly the end of my friendship with Phoebe. I've a mind to go over there right now and shout at her too!"


	14. Phase Five, the Divorce

**In this story, Ross and Rachel's wedding is planned for May, and currently it's about March.**

* * *

After Monica said goodbye to Don, she hung up the phone and returned to the fight in the living room.

Phoebe still argued about fate and soulmates, while Chandler said, "I'm sorry, but we can't just stay together for Danny's sake. It would be just like my parents' marriage."

"And this isn't?" Ross asked. "You've lied and sneaked around."

Rachel glared at Phoebe too. "And you hatched this awful plot to make Monica cheat."

"It wasn't like that!" Chandler insisted, and he turned to Monica. "It had nothing to do with custody or shifting the blame. I just didn't want you to be hurt. I wanted us to still be friends, like Ross and Carol are."

"Friends?" she scoffed. "I don't need friends like this." She turned to Phoebe and gave her cell phone back. "Fine, so you didn't call Don again. But you should have never called him in the first place or set up that date. You've wrecked everything."

"I'm sorry--"

"I don't wanna hear it. Just go!" She gestured to a messy pile of Chandler's stuff and added angrily, "Just take your stuff and go away!" Then she cried and turned away to sit on the window seat.

Before joining her, Ross scowled and said, "You guys can forget about being at our wedding too."

"And Joey can take his damn present back!" Rachel furiously threw the wedding present at them, which Phoebe caught.

As Phoebe looked at Joey's card from months ago, she frowned. For Rachel to return a gift, but not exchange it for store credit, was really bad.

Chandler realized that too, and he reluctantly gathered up his belongings from the floor. All of his clothes had been dumped out, along with many CDs that had been further smashed out of spite. Chandler's laptop was there too, along with some embarrassing stuff that Chandler used to keep in the back of the closet underneath his gymbag. Chandler hurriedly tossed everything into his gymbag and left with Phoebe.

They walked down the stairs with a sigh. "I guess it was no use trying to apologize."

"No, but don't give up hope about Danny yet," Phoebe said. "You may not get joint custody, but no court is gonna say that you can't see him at all, unless you're like abusive, or crazy, or drugged out, you know. Danny needs a father."

Chandler shrugged. "Yeah, I mean, I still had to see my dad in Vegas for the summer, no matter how much my parents hated each other. Or how I hated them. I just wish it could be better than that, Phoebe."

"I know. We'll get you a good lawyer too. I'll give you the number for my guy."

Chandler looked confused. "You have a divorce lawyer?"

"Sure. Not for me and David, of course, but I was married twice before, to Duncan and my Vegas husband. Plus my mom had to get a divorce from my birthdad so that she could marry my stepdad. They can do that uncontested if somebody abandons you, and you don't hear from them long enough."

"Oh. Wait, you really had a husband in Vegas? I thought you were kidding, Pheebs, 'cause you never mentioned it again."

"No, I just took care of it quietly, 'cause I didn't want to admit that I was catching up to Ross in divorces."

As they loaded Chandler's stuff into Phoebe's taxi, they considered going across the street to see Daniel while he was with Emma's nanny. However, knowing that Monica, Ross, and Rachel could see into that apartment from the window, they didn't want to risk infuriating them and making the custody battle worse.

Chandler looked forlornly up at the apartment as they drove away.

* * *

When they returned to the Frinks' apartment, David told them that his friend Max would let Chandler stay in his spare room for a while. "Just until the divorce is over, or you and Joey decide where you're gonna live. But he said that he doesn't want you to bring the birds with you, so we'll keep them for now."

"Maybe you can take the big white dog with you?" Phoebe suggested, not wanting him to be lonely.

Chandler thanked them and spent a little time with the birds, before going to move in with Max.

As he unpacked and put down the rejected present, Chandler called Joey to let him know where he was staying, and to tell him how things went with Monica. "They still thought that it was all some selfish custody maneuver. Then Ross and Rachel dis-invited us from their wedding, and Monica kicked us out."

"It sounds awful. I don't want the gang to break up." That was what Joey had been trying to avoid all along, by moving to L.A.

"I know, but it would be really uncomfortable right now being his best man and Phoebe being Rachel's matron of honor. They're already struggling to get Rachel's family to get along for the wedding, and I don't want to spoil it further. I just... I hope they miss us, and can maybe forgive us eventually."

"Me too."

"For now, I guess we're just gonna have to hope that Phoebe's lawyer is good."

"Yeah." Joey then told Chandler his concerns about tabloid rumors possibly arising from their goodbye kiss at the airport. "I mean, I haven't heard anything yet, but maybe it would show up later and make the divorce even worse."

"Oh. I hope not, 'cause this is already about as bad as I can take. I'd rather just keep this as private as possible, you know, and ignore any gossip. I mean, it's none of their business, no matter what."

"I know." Joey sighed. "I guess what I'm really worried about is how to tell my family about this. They're gonna call me a home wrecker."

"You're not."

"Then why do I feel like I am?"

"The home was already wrecked, Joe. You're no more to blame than Susan was for making Carol realize she was a lesbian. If it hadn't been Susan, it would have been somebody else. Besides, your dad's had a mistress for years now. Is cheating somehow okay as long as you stay married?"

Joey said, "Yeah, I could probably say that to my parents. But it's gonna be tougher making, like, my grandmothers understand, and all the old aunts and uncles..."

"Oh, I see what you mean now. Well, I guess we can try to explain it together, when you come visit next week. But since your family's so big, maybe we should take only some of them at a time. Like, we could start out with your sisters first. But not Cookie." Cookie had punched Chandler once, and shot her husband.

"Yeah, we'll take it slow. Mostly I want to see you and apologize to the gang too."

"I know. I miss you, Joe."

"Me too." Then Joey added, "Hey, I've been talking to Sarah about the adoption thing, but she's afraid that I might decide to move back to New York, and then she wouldn't be able to see Maddy much. She really seems to be having second thoughts."

"Oh. I-I guess we do have to figure that stuff out, but so much depends on how the divorce goes."

"Yeah. I told her I'll still babysit, but I'll understand if she wants to keep Maddy."

"Oh."

"That's okay, right? I mean, it was never guaranteed, Chandler. I think you should concentrate more on keeping Danny, you know?"

"Yeah, you're right. We can't give up on him."

So they tried to stay positive and comforting, then made plans for Joey's visit next weekend.

Finally Chandler joked about how he couldn't afford rambling long-distance calls, if he was going to hire a divorce lawyer soon, and he said goodbye. "I love you."

"I love you too. I'll call you tomorrow, Chandler. Bye."

* * *

On Sunday, Chandler worked up enough nerve to call his father in Vegas.

"So that's why Joey moved to L.A. I did think it was odd that he suddenly left your group, and didn't keep in touch. Plus, you hardly ever wanted to talk about him anymore."

"Yeah, well, I-I didn't know how to talk about it, or admit that maybe another one of us Bings had turned gay."

"I wish you had told me, though. Perhaps we could have talked Joey out of his 'home wrecker' fear earlier, without Phoebe's intervention. I certainly would have told you that you shouldn't stay with Monica purely for the baby. I learned that with your mother."

"I know. I tried to tell Joey that, but he said that I'd be better off without him and that I belonged with Monica, just like Ross and Rachel ended up together again. And he felt so guilty too. That whole stupid triangle really messed up the gang."

"Yes, I-I do have some experience with such things. They can be hell." Charles changed the subject without further elaboration, "You know, when you told me that Joey had moved to get away from all you couples, I did suspect that he might be pining for you, consciously or unconsciously. I mean, I've only met him once at your wedding, but he did seem devoted, and you've told me how close you were over the years; I got an impression of something deeper than friendship, but I wasn't certain enough to bring it up. I hadn't realized that he'd actually confessed and kissed you."

"Joey said that I was just temporarily confused by his kisses, and that I'd forget him. I think he thought that I would just phase him out, like Kip. That it would be quick and easy. Anyway, I've convinced him now, and we're in this mess. I guess I wondered if you had any advice? Mistakes not to repeat?"

"Well, no matter how desperate you get, don't try kidnapping your son from Cub Scouts, just to get back at your wife."

Chandler laughed weakly at the joke, and at the very real childhood memory. He wondered whether he should call his mother too, for her side of the divorce, but then again, he'd heard plenty from Nora whenever she got drunk and complained to her new boyfriends about her ex-husband.

* * *

Starting on Monday, Chandler spent much of the week meeting with Phoebe's divorce lawyer, and getting his laptop repaired. The lawyer recommended arbitration by a neutral third party, to avoid a nasty court battle, but they needed Monica to agree.

Monica on the other hand met with Ross's old divorce lawyer Russell, and she resisted David's attempt to sway her toward arbitration, because she still wanted to punish Chandler severely. However, Monica didn't tell her parents about the divorce yet, dreading her mother's reaction, so she compulsively cleaned the apartment. As she did so, she came across the flowers that Don sent her. She called him again to talk, and he even offered to send her some gourmet cheese. "Now that he's out of the house, the smell won't matter, will it?"

"No it won't." Monica accepted the gift and thought about making more changes, since Chandler had gone.

Meanwhile, Ross and Rachel tried to adjust their wedding plans, and find replacements for the best man and matron of honor. Monica wasn't in the mood for organizing a wedding, and Ross couldn't decide among his paleontogy friends for his best man. They did miss Joey, Chandler, and Phoebe a little, but would not admit it out loud.

Joey frequently called Chandler for any news on the divorce, and to discuss how they should talk to Joey's sisters. "I told my parents that I was coming to town for a few days, and of course I'm gonna have to go see them, after not visiting in so long."

"Sure. But then you'll come see me at Max's?"

"Right, and I should drop by Phoebe's while I'm at it, to see the baby and the birds."

"Yeah, we should have dinner with them."

Finally, Joey flew to New York on Friday, and Chandler picked him up at the airport. Because they were still nervous of tabloids, they didn't kiss, but merely hugged and behaved like old friends. Even during the cab ride to Manhattan, they just made small talk.

At Max's apartment, Chandler introduced Joey to Max before they took his bags into the bedroom. Instead of unpacking, Joey kissed Chandler intensely, unable to restrain himself any longer.

Chandler ached for him too, and could barely keep his hands off him. Between kisses, he whispered, "I missed you," and they fell to the bed together. They had time for a quick and dirty fumble before they needed to dress again and meet Phoebe and David for dinner. Max had evidently heard them in the next room, so he closed up his book and said, "Uh, take your key with you, because I'm going out on a date tonight. See ya, guys."

"Okay. See ya." They left and visited the Frinks.

Joey hugged Phoebe warmly and thanked her for helping Chandler out. Then he excitedly greeted the birds, and David brought out Frannie.

"Come on, meet your Uncle Joey." David handed the baby over.

Joey was touched by the words "Uncle Joey" and he looked sad for having missed Frannie's birth. He had missed so much of his friends' lives by moving away, and he still hadn't met Danny yet. Joey rocked Frannie in his arms, and said, "Yeah, I'm--I'm your uncle Joey. Hi."

They bonded for a while, before putting Frannie to bed. Over dinner, the old friends chatted like they used to, except for the fact that Ross, Rachel, and Monica weren't here.

Then after leaving the Frinks' apartment, Joey and Chandler walked back to Max's with their arms linked.

Chandler said, "You really do want to move back here, don't you?"

Joey nodded. "Yeah, I do. I miss everybody so much. God I wish we could go see Monica, Ross, and Rachel now."

"So do I." He shrugged and squeezed Joey's arm. "I-I guess we just gotta keep hoping that they'll forgive us."

"Yeah."

Back at Max's, Joey called his parents and confirmed that he would visit them in Queens tomorrow. "Yeah, I remember which train to take. Bye, Ma."

After he hung up, Joey and Chandler got ready for bed. They kissed each other comfortingly and undressed slowly, taking their time now. They made love and tried to forget their troubles long enough just to be happy.


End file.
